A gentleman was threatening to beat a dog who barked intolerably. "Why," exclaimed an Irishman, "would you beat the poor dumb animal for spakin' out?"
FRIENDLY VISITS.
A gentleman was speaking the other day of the kindness of his friends in visiting him. One old aunt in particular visited him twice a year, and stayed six months each time.
REMOTE.
"I'd have you to know, Mrs. Stoker, that my uncle was a banister of the law."
"A fig for your banister," retorted Mrs. Grumly, turning up her nose, "haven't I a cousin as is a corridor in the navy?"
A CAT STORY.
A philosophical old gentleman was one day passing a new school-house, erected somewhere towards the setting sun borders of our glorious Union, when his attention was suddenly attracted to a crowd of persons gathered around the door. He inquired of a boy, whom he met, what was going on.
"Well, nothin', 'cept the skule committy, and they're goin' in."
"A committee meets to-day! What for?"