“As for askin’ onybody into the house, it’s a thing I durstna do for the life that’s in my body. I never did it but ance, and that was when an auld schulefellow, that had been several years in America, ca’ed at the shop to see me. After we had cracked a while—
“‘But I maun see the wife, Patie,’ says he.
“Whether he had heard aboot her behaviour or no, I canna tell; but, I assure ye, his request was onything but agreeable to me. However, I took him into the house, and I introduced him wi’ fear and tremblin’.
“‘Tibby, dear,’ said I—and I dinna think I had ca’ed her dear for ten years afore—‘here’s Mr W——, an auld schulefellow o’ mine, that’s come a’ the way frae America, an’ ca’ed in to see ye.’
“‘Ye’re aye meetin’ wi’ auld schulefellows, or some set or ither, to tak ye aff yer wark,’ muttered she, sulkily, but loud enough for him to hear.
“I was completely at a loss what to do or say next; but, pretending as though I hadna heard her, I said, as familiarly and kindly as I could, though my heart was in a terrible swither—‘Bring out the bottle, lass.’
“‘Bottle!’ quo’ she, ‘what bottle?—what does the man mean?—has he pairted wi’ the little sense that he ever had?’ But had ye seen her as she said this!—I’ve seen a cloud black when driven wi’ a hurricane, and I’ve seen it awfu’ when roarin’ in the agony o’ thunder; but never did I see onything that I was mair in fear o’ than my wife’s face at that moment. But, somehow or ither, I gathered courage to say—‘Hoots, woman, what’s the use o’ behavin’ that way? I’m sure ye ken weel aneugh it’s the speerit bottle.’
“‘The speerit bottle!’ cried she, wi’ a scream; ‘and when was there a speerit bottle within this door? Dinna show yoursel off to your American freend for a greater man than ye are, Patie. I think, if wi’ a’ that ye bring in I get meat and bits o’ duds for your bairns, I do very weel.’
“This piece o’ impudence completely knocked me stupid, for, wad ye believe it, Robin? though she had lang driven a’ my freends frae about the house, yet, did ony o’ her freends ca’,—and that was maistly every Sunday, and every Coldstream market-day,—there was the bottle out frae the cupboard, which she aye kept under lock and key; and a dram, and a bit short-bread nae less, was aye and to this day handed round to every ane o’ them. They hae discovered that it’s worth while to make Patie the bicker-maker’s a half-way house. But if I happen to be in when they ca’, though she pours out a fu’ glass a-piece for them, she takes aye gude care to stand in afore me when she comes to me, between them and me, so that they canna see what she is doing, or how meikle she pours out; and, I assure ye, it is seldom a thimblefu’ that fa’s to my share, though she hauds the bottle lang up in her hand—mony a time, no a weetin’; and again and again have I shoved my head past her side, and said, ‘Your health, Mrs So-and-so’—or, ‘Yours, Mr Such-a-thing,’ wi’ no as meikle in my glass as wad droun a midge. Or, if I was sae placed that she durstna but, for shame, fill a glass within half-an-inch o’ the tap or sae, she wad gae me a look, or a wink, or mak a motion o’ some kind, which weel did I ken the meanin’ o’, and which was the same as saying—‘Drink it if ye daur!’ O Robin, man! it’s weel for ye that kens no what it is to be a footba’ at your ain fireside. I daresay, my freend burned at the bane for me; for he got up, and—
“‘I wish you good-day, Mr Crichton,’ said he; ‘I have business in Kelso to-night yet, and can’t stop.’