Vainly did I endeavor to combat the pressing earnestness of my host and his wife, and my friends. I ended by promising to do whatever they desired.
"As soon as I get a secretary, I will write to Lourdes; but it is too late at this hour of the day."
"But I will do, will I not?" answered my friend.
"Very well," said I, "come and breakfast with me to-morrow at the Café de Foy. I will dictate the letter after breakfast."
"Why not do it now? We will save one day."
Paper and ink were at hand. I dictated a letter to the curé of Lourdes. It was posted that evening.
The next day, M. de —— came to see me. "My dear friend," he said, "since the die is cast, and you are going to try this experiment, you ought to go seriously to work, and fulfil the conditions which are required in order to make a success. You must pray. You will have to go to confession, and put your mind in the proper state. You know that all this is a prime necessity."
"You are right," I replied; "I will do as you say. But you must acknowledge that you are a queer Protestant. The tables are turned; to-day you are preaching to me my own faith and religion, and I own the contrast is not much to my advantage."
"I am a man of science," he answered. "It is perfectly natural that I should wish to see all the conditions carried out, since we have agreed to try an experiment. I should act in this manner if we were dealing with physics or chemistry."
I confess, to my shame, I did not prepare myself as my friend had so wisely advised me. I was in a very poor spiritual condition; my soul was distracted and turned to evil. I recognized the necessity of throwing myself at the feet of God; but, as I had not been guilty of gross and brutal sins, against which nature reacts with such violence, I delayed from day to day. Man is more rebellious against the sacrament of penance while he is being tempted, than after he has been crushed and humbled by the sight of his crime. It is more difficult to combat and resist than to ask for mercy after defeat. Who does not know this?