Reader—you have travelled? If so, did you ever suffer from too much landlord?
The last time we were at Mackinaw, we had our boots blackened, our clothes 'swept,' and our cigars diminished by a very funny halfbreed named Pierre, and noticed that when more cigars than usual were taken, we were always sure of receiving an extra amount of attention from him in the way of sweeping, brushing, and small talk.
'Mossu, how you lak Detroit?'
'I like it very well.'
'Zat fust-rate 'otel, ze Fiddle House; ze landlord he maks var' big fuss over ze grand persons as come zére—var' big fuss. Mamselle Grandrose she var splendid danseuse, she 'ave ze grande attentions: Madame COLSON she grande chanteuse 'ave ze grand care. Ah, bote zére comes zére oncet ze Marquis de Chouxfleurs, zen you should see zat landlord; he bows and he smiles, and he rons round all ze time, viz, 'Musshoe ze Markiss, vat you lak for to eat, for to drink, for to sleeps? can I do somesings fore you. At lass ze Marquis he call for his bill, and he goes for to leave ze hotel. Zen ze landlord he comes to ze door, and he bows, and he smiles, and he robs his hands togezzer, and says he:
'Musshoe ze Markiss, bone voyyaidge;' (you see he spiks ze French var' bad;) 'I hope you have been satisfy wiz my ho-tel?'
Zen ze Marquis smiles var' moch pleasaunt, and viz ze air off grand seigneur he lokes down on ze landlord and spiks slowlee:
'Ze eat is var' good, ze sleep is not so var' bad, bote I 'ave notice one sing—zére is entairely TOO MOCHE LANDLORD!'
In American hotels, as strangers declare, unless one be acquainted, the complaint is apt to be of too little landlord. Then—oh, then, 'all goes as it does with a divinity in France,' as the European proverb hath it—that is to say, very Paradisiacally indeed. Which reminds us of a letter on the coming of the Millennium, from a friend who declares it to be his conviction that those who are afraid of the immediate realization of this consummation devoutly to be wished for, may lay aside their apprehensions, since it is evident that nothing of the kind is to come off this year at least.
'Of which, dear Continental friend, there can be no doubt, albeit there may be somewhat pity. For I have lang syne awaited a millennium and a golden age, and, when Fernando Wood was kicked out of the mayoralty into Coventry, hailed it as the beginning. Now, however, the old serpent lifts his head—Fernando has gone to Congress, and the devil is let loose again for a little season—to give seasoning by his sin to the great sea of gruel of excessive virtue with which the world is inundated. Oh for the wings of a dove, to be 'out of this'—cut loose from all such 'carryin's on,' and fairly calm in some silent Lubberland or Atlantis fairy realm of peace!