APPROPRIATE SALUTATIONS
| To the fireman: Go to blazes! To the butcher: May you never make a miss-steak in your endeavor to make both ends meat! To the baker: May you always have the dough, not too much crust, and the means to loaf whenever you wish to! To the spinster: May you ever be the matchless but not the mateless woman you are now! To the young physician: May you wait, like Patience on a monument, till finally you shall have lots of monuments on your patients! To the seamstress: May life always seam sew-sew in your hemmysphere! To the dentist: May you always enjoy a pull and be able to fill many an aching void and long-felt want! To the poet: May you have many more verses than reverses. | Health Hint: Many are cold, but few are frozen. |
| SUNDAY | A GREAT JAG |
| A man may think he's a terror to drink When he really is nothing to brag on, For it's true, we infer, that a big chestnut burr Gets the awfullest, all-around jag on. | |
| MONDAY | |
| TUESDAY | |
| WEDNESDAY | (6,99,950 B.C.) Eve appears in a peek-a-boo waist. |
| THURSDAY | |
| FRIDAY | (1509) Henry VIII began to get married. |
| SATURDAY | |
| AUGUST | |
| A man admires a woman for what he thinks she is; a woman admires a man for what she thinks he has. |
HELPFUL HINT FOR SEPTEMBER
| Excuse us, but we will not suggest any method for removing a coat of tan. We are assured on the best authority that Alice blue, radium gray, and fluorescent green will be the popular shades this summer. However, if yours is a tan coat, unbutton it and pull your arms out first; it will then come off easily enough. Is the Sun Inhabited? An astronomer from Indiana claims to have discovered that the Sun is inhabited. The Public will probably hoot at this just as it hooted at Columbus when he said the Earth was round. The Public also hooted at wireless telegraphy in its early stages. The Public is now hooting at the idea of airships ever becoming common carriers. The Sun may be inhabited, who knows? This astronomer from Indiana may not be as buggy as he really appears at first blush. The Sun is hot, 'tis true, but Hell is also hot. And Hell is inhabited. | Financial Note: When in doubt, do the first one you come across. Marine Note: High rollers don't always come in from the sea. |