| SUNDAY | (44 B.C.) "Twenty-three for you," shouted Brutus to Cæsar, and when they counted the stab wounds they found Brutus had enumerated correctly. |
| MONDAY | |
| TUESDAY | (1776) Washington arrives at Dorchester Heights and finds 25,000 bushels of wheat. "I am glad it isn't breakfast food," said George. |
| WEDNESDAY | |
| THURSDAY | (192 B.C.) First mention of Baseball. Sparta joins the Achean league—it was easy to slide in Greece. |
| FRIDAY | LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR |
| The colicky baby's father, As he croons his soothing song, His thanks should give that he doesn't live Where the nights are six months long. | |
| SATURDAY | |
| DECEMBER | |
| "Even those who can't read like to look at the pictures."—Willie B. Hearsed | |
| (Politically)? |
ADVICE TO PARENTS
| It is now pretty generally believed that the name given to one to bear with him night and day, during all his years, has a most important influence in the work of shaping his life and fortune. No doubt a careful investigation of the subject would show that most of the bare-pated men of the nation are so because while they were still helpless little children they were named Archibald, Theobald, Baldwin, and the like, whereas, had they been named Harry, or Harold, or Aaron, they would still be blest with well-thatched polls. It is the bounden duty of parents to determine the business or profession in which they intend their children shall engage. If they wish their son to become a fancy poultry-breeder they should name him Egbert or Henry; if they wish him to become a surgeon they should call him Lancelot; if an arithmetician, Adam; if a clown, Guy or Joshua; if a street car driver, Oscar; if a real estate dealer, Lot or Orlando; if a man of wealth, Richard; if a debtor, Owen; and if they wish him to "go to grass," Timothy. The same degree of thoughtful care should be exercised in naming girls, as well. If a girl is to become a musician she should be called Octavia or Dora; if a milliner, Hattie; if a writer, Adaline; if a cook, Dinah or Amelia; and so on to the end of the chapter. |
? Why is the standard octopus like a water-lily? Oh, fudge! It isn't like a water-lily at all. It is more like the skunk cabbage which gets a head in the world, but is always in bad odor. |
| SUNDAY | (1660) Charles II, chased by subp[oe]na from Cromwell, wins record of being most difficult man in the world to subp[oe]na. |
| (1906) Rockefeller smashes record of Charles II. | |
| MONDAY | |
| TUESDAY | (1620) Pilgrims land at Plymouth in little Mayflower. |
| (1906) Records show that little Mayflower brought over 38,000,000 carloads of ancestors, candlesticks, furniture, etc. | |
| WEDNESDAY | (1906) Chinese missionaries threatened. |
| (Next day) Missionaries leave tracts and make new ones for home. | |
| THURSDAY | |
| FRIDAY | The day before Christmas will seem the longest day in the year if you are expecting any presents. |
| SATURDAY | |
| DECEMBER | |
| Wit is something bright, thought of after the guests have departed. |