Yes, the severance of death is not complete, but what are we to say of the severance of pride or jealousy?
It is, unfortunately, true that many a girl, as well as her elders, cannot bear to feel herself second, and because her friend is prettier, cleverer, or it may be more fortunate, then she manages to quarrel with her.
She does not acknowledge that such is the reason, of course; even if she be conscious that it is so, she does not give it the true name, but, “I am not always going to dance attendance on Louisa”—“Louisa comes to me when she can get no one else, and I won’t put up with it”—“I don’t see why Louisa should expect me always to go to her, and never come to me,” and so on, until an irritated feeling against Louisa is produced; and the two come to an open rupture.
If Louisa is indeed the superior of the two she has probably taken the first place unconsciously, and a slight to her friend is the last thing she dreams of. She feels the reproaches are unmerited, replies hotly, or contemptuously, and the breach is made.
The friendship was, of course, a very imperfect one, or it could not have been so easily broken. I don’t think the girl who felt herself slighted and aggrieved could have given her friend much help or sympathy for some time before the quarrel began.
“Ah, but,” someone exclaims, “perhaps she could not help and sympathise with such a superior creature as Louisa.”
“Then,” I reply, “the friendship was too unequal to last long.” Not that I mean for a moment to insist that two friends ought to be on a level in every particular, but each should be superior in turn. It won’t do for one always to be able to look down. If the other is meek and submissive it creates a one-sided friendship; if she happens to be high-spirited or mean-spirited, a quarrel. So that if your friend either is, or considers herself, your superior in everything, or if you will not allow that she is superior to you in anything, look out for the breach that is sure to come.
And these breaches are not such as can be healed. The one most in fault is sure to be the one who thinks herself injured, so that the necessary first step is never taken. The friendship may indeed be patched up for awhile, but it is never reliable again, for the simple reason that girls who can quarrel once for such causes are quite certain to do so again.
Friends are alienated, too, by a misunderstanding, and the beginnings of these are often so far in the past that it is almost impossible to find them. What very slight things occasion a misunderstanding which in course of time may kill a friendship! A trifling neglect, an explanation given too late, a carelessly worded speech or letter, and, above all, perhaps, conversation incorrectly repeated.
Probably the remarks made are not of sufficient importance to deserve that we ask an explanation of them, and in nine cases out of ten we don’t stop to inquire whether it is not likely they have been inaccurately reported—often by mistake—or, even if the words be right, what a difference do look and tone make!