If a mother’s face lights with pleasure at the mention of her son, and the thought of what he is to her brings moisture to her eyes, if the girls of the family make a friend of him and regard him as a great factor in the sum that makes up the happiness of home, there will be good reason for believing that, in the dearest of all relationships, he will not be found wanting.
There is an old saying that “A man is known by the company he keeps.” Is it not, then, well for you, who look forward to spending a lifetime in his society, to know something of the associates he chooses for himself now?
I think I hear some of you asking, “Is it not the business of parents and guardians to satisfy themselves about the position, means, character, associates, and so on, of the man who seeks a daughter in marriage?”
Assuredly it is. But all of you are not blessed with parents, or kind, wise guardians in place of them. Some have not even friends who will interest themselves on behalf of girl acquaintances. Some, again, are ready to blame the young and foolish girls who think so lightly of what is of supreme importance. They laugh, or quote old sayings about “Eating rue pie,” “Marry in haste and repent at leisure,” and so on. One has even noted a look of almost pleasurable anticipation on the face of some acquaintance whose advice has been asked, but not followed, as the remark has been made, “She will find out her mistake soon enough when she gets what she never bargained for.”
Perhaps there may be relatives who are not wholly sorry to be rid of responsibility in regard to girls who have not been amenable to advice or rules. Such wash their hands of the whole affair by the warning, “As you make your bed, so you must lie. Do not look to us for help in future.”
So, when a girl reaps the fruits of a hasty or ill-advised marriage, the most she gets from erewhile friends or kinsfolk, is, “You were warned in time. I told you what would happen.”
Parents, guardians, true friends may do their utmost, but, after all, they cannot do everything. A great part of the responsibility must rest on the girl herself, since they may advise and she refuse to listen. They may picture the prospect before her, she may shut her eyes to it. They may bring facts and figures, she will not discuss them, or will insist that her calculations are right and theirs are wrong. They may point out that the burden of care and toil which would follow such a marriage will prove too heavy for her. She makes light of it, because hitherto she has never felt the reality.
Dear ones, I am dealing mainly with warnings, and that side of the question with which reason has mainly to do, in this our first talk on an all-important subject. We shall look at the love and the beautiful—poetic I had almost said—the heavenly side of it by-and-by. Now, I seem to be looking all the time at the mistakes and follies which, in so many cases, have spoiled lives, and made marriage like anything rather than what God meant it to be.
Is there one amongst you to-night who is getting tired of the daily round in a poor home where all the family are, however, rich in affection? You may have grown weary of the makeshifts and contrivances needful to keep up appearances. You hate to have to calculate how far every shilling will go before you spend it. You long to escape from the narrow round of daily life, almost at any cost. Perhaps you have only to say “Yes,” in order to exchange it for comparative ease and luxury, but you hesitate, and why?
Because your heart tells you that affection will have no share in the compact. Conscience whispers that you only know that your suitor’s worldly circumstances are favourable, but as to his character you are almost in ignorance, and have an uncomfortable feeling that you had better not inquire too closely.