In many parts of this article we have maintained that self-consciousness was an exceedingly common and important factor of nervousness and blushing. If we could remove self-consciousness we could cure most, if not all, forms of nervousness.
Suppose that a girl is self-conscious and she enters into conversation with another girl who is not self-conscious. The question is broached by the healthy-minded girl. She asks—
“Do you think that Mr. Jones’s French poodle would look better if he were shaved?”
The nervous girl will undergo severe agitation as to what she ought to answer. “You see, if I say ‘no,’ it may show that I do not know anything about dogs. In fact, I must be very careful not to give myself away as an ignoramus.”
As a matter of fact neither of these girls knows much about dogs, perhaps neither would recognise a French poodle if she saw one. The questioner, still waiting for the simple reply which her question needs, looks into the face of her nervous companion, and at once the latter’s wits desert her altogether. “Why did she look into my face? I must be looking very ugly to-day? I know my dress is old-fashioned, but it is very rude of her to notice it!” etc., etc. This poor girl cannot bring her mind to bear on the subject of the conversation; she is eternally thinking of herself. If she would only think about what her questioner is talking of, instead of thinking about what her companion is thinking about her, she would no longer be self-conscious, no longer nervous.
The conversation concerning the French poodle has upset her altogether; she leaves her first companion and seeks another. But here she can boast no greater success. Perhaps she will brave a third effort at conversation, but it is all to no purpose; she is either too fearful of committing herself or saying something unseemly, or else she knows that her companion is secretly laughing at her. Utterly downhearted she eventually sits down in a corner and remains silently agitated for the rest of the evening.
What a terrible state is that of self-consciousness, and yet how common! And yet of the large number of persons who suffer from it how many try to overcome it? Because it is far easier to foster than to subdue these feelings is no reason for not making any attempt to quell them.
A very important piece of advice to give to all nervous girls is to avoid all trivial conversations, especially talking scandal. It is unfortunately a fact that nervous girls are often quite themselves when discussing the weaknesses of their friends and neighbours, but such conversation begets a distrust of their friends, and we have no doubt that the habit of talking against one’s neighbours is sometimes a direct cause of that form of nervousness in which girls cannot talk to their own friends without blushing. They know what their friends say about others behind their backs, and they fear that they too will be discussed in their absence. To such girls as these we may say, give over such worthless friends and try to know others who use their tongues to a more proper purpose, and never, under any circumstances, talk scandal yourselves.
Self-conscious girls must get out of the habit of revolving in their minds what answer to give to a simple question. When you are talking socially, it is really of very little consequence whether your answer is correct or not. You should indulge in conversation with everybody whom you wish to know, and with whom your parents or guardians wish you to be intimate. You must not sit in a corner and mope because you thought that Miss Smith was criticising your dress when you were trying to converse with her. Be a woman and bravely attempt to join in conversation. It does not matter if you make mistakes. We are all human. We all make mistakes. But it would indeed be a funny world if we never attempted to open our mouths lest we should say what is indiscreet or fallacious. Remember that when you have once braved your inclination to sit down and be silent, half the battle is over and you will soon grow to look with astonishment at your foolish behaviour of some weeks back. Since experience is the great cure for nervousness, gain all experience you can both by reading, by the study of the arts and sciences and by observation of the doings of others and the working of this great world. Keep your eyes open and look around you. However limited your own circle may be, it still contains more to be studied than you can learn in your lifetime. Trivial literature, and especially cheap novelettes, should be avoided, for they give you a false notion of life and deal with silly and impossible predicaments.
There are doubtless many people who think that nervousness can be cured by diet, exercise and drugs. To such as hold this view we readily admit that when nervousness is caused by bodily ill-health, or by lack of precautions to the laws of well-being, such is the case. But the true nervousness, seen so commonly in perfectly healthy persons, who rigorously follow all the laws laid down by physicians and general experience, is totally uninfluenced by physical treatment of any kind.