“Oh! pillelieu! meellia murther! listen to that—as iv any one that iver seen Docthor M— ov Thrinity College could iver mistake him agin; bud sure Docthor H— there ’ill may be help out yer mimory [Dr H— gave a writhe, for he had hoped to have escaped, at least]; sure he was at the colonel’s whin ye war brought home in the muck.”
This announcement of the names and address of both the unfortunate betrayed, was received with a shout, whilst Paddy’s earnestness to free himself from the charge of having blundered, increased every moment, and reminiscence followed reminiscence, each in a louder tone than the preceding, until his argument became a perfect shout, whilst the unlucky S.F.T.C.D.’s strove to out-bellow him with their denials, and the audience laughed, shouted, and danced with glee at the fun.
“I protest,” bawled Dr H—, “that I do not know Colonel Trench. You mistake, my honest man; I never was at his place in my life. My friend here, Dr M—, knows him, and has been there often; but I have not, I assure you.”
“Oh! you ass,” bellowed Dr M—, “what do you acknowledge my name for? ’Tis no wonder they call you ‘Leatherhead H—.’”
A renewed roar followed this piece of blundering recrimination.
“Never at Colonel Thrench’s!—not you!—oh! ye desavin’ ould villain!” screamed the hitherto silent Biddy. “Not you!—Do ye know me!—do ye!—do ye!!—Do-o-o-o-o ye!!!” every repetition of “do ye” being louder and longer than the last, until she finished in a terrific long shriek, squeezing her hands together upon her knees, and stamping alternately with her feet, with a rapidity that gave the effect of a shake to her voice.
“I do protest and declare,” shouted the worthy doctor, “that I never, to my knowledge, saw your face before.”
“Arrah, Biddy, avourneen, is this the ould Turk that ye tould me about, bud would’nt mintion his name, that was so imperant to ye? Scraub his face, the ould thief! and let me see iv he dar purvint ye, my darlin’. Tache him to behave himself to unpurtected faymales!”
Biddy, who seemed quite inclined to forestall her companion’s orders, had sprung upon the unlucky doctor before the sentence was half finished. He strove in vain to shake her off; she clung to him like a wild-cat, screaming, shrieking, scolding, biting, scratching, and tearing, until at length she maddened him past all endurance by pulling two handfuls of hair successively out of the little that remained on his skull, for which he repaid her with two furious blows.
The spectators, who had hitherto looked on, and merely laughed at the entire affair as an excellent joke, had undergone a change of sentiment upon hearing the innuendo contained in Paddy’s last speech; and, no longer considering the old gentlemen as a pair of innocents amusingly “blown,” they now looked upon them as a pair of wicked old profligates, worse than young ones; and one, more zealous than the rest, shouting out “shame! to strike the girl,” stretched Dr H— with a blow.