Left foot. Because you presume to consider yourself the better and more useful foot.
Right foot. Let us not dispute, my dear brother; each is equally necessary to the other. What could I do without you? Nothing, or at least very little; and what could you do without me? Very little indeed. We were not made to quarrel.
Left foot (very hot). I am not disposed to quarrel, but I trust you will admit that I am as good as you, every way your equal, and begad in many things your superior. Do you hear that? I am not disposed to quarrel, you rascal, and how dare you say so?
Here there was a strong sensation among all the right members, who felt themselves insulted through this outrage offered to their chief supporter.
Right foot. Since you choose to insult me without provocation, I must stand upon my right——
Left (shoving off to a distance). Right!—there, again, what right have you to be termed “right” any more than I?—(“Bravo!—go it, Left; pitch into him; we are equal to him and his,” from the friends of the Left. The matter was now likely to become serious, and to end in a row.)
“What’s the matter there below?” said the Head; “don’t be fools, and make yourselves ridiculous. What would either of you be with a crutch or a cork-leg? which is only another name for a wooden shoe, any day.”
Right foot. Since he provokes me, I tell him, that ever since the world began, the prejudice of mankind in all nations has been in favour of the right foot and the right hand. (Strong sensation among the left members). Surely he ought not to be ignorant of the proverb, which says, when a man is peculiarly successful in any thing he undertakes, “that man knew how to go about it—he put the right foot foremost!” (Cheers from the right party.)
Left. That’s mere special pleading—the right foot there does not mean you, because you happen to be termed such; but it means the foot which, from its position under the circumstances, happens to be the proper one. (Loud applause from the left members.)
Right foot. You know you are weak and feeble and awkward when compared to me, and can do little of yourself. (Hurra! that’s a poser!)