“During this time Condy was more busy and more solemn than he had ever before been known to be. Every nook and corner was searched for the mystical cat, and as he paraded the streets in anxious quest, every one ran to his door to look at Condy, as if he had been some strange creature from lands unknown. At length the cat was found, but where he had procured her he would not tell. This led people to the very rational conclusion that she had been lent for the express purpose by the devil, or that she was one of the witches who, about that period, greatly infested the ‘east countrie.’
“On the appointed evening John and Condy, accompanied by about one hundred persons, repaired to the spot on which we are now sitting, where Condy had warned them all to remain: informing them that if any one crossed the creek he must do it at the risk of being torn to pieces by the devil. This tree at that time stood on the bank with one half of its naked roots projecting over the water—the earth having been washed away by the floods. Here John took his seat, his body reclining against the foot of the tree, his feet firmly planted against a root, and either hand grasping a root by his side. Condy tied the rope securely about John’s body, and then crossed the creek, carrying the other end of the rope to a spot a few yards from the water. You have planted a very pretty hedge garden near the water’s edge, but at the time of which I speak the shore was bare, and about ten yards from the water was a fence with a thick growth of alders and rank weeds. Condy, having fastened his cat to the rope, proceeded to describe a large circle round her, muttering incantations and contriving so to spin out the time as to leave as little light as possible on the transaction. The crowd upon the bank stood awestruck in silent expectation. John
‘With half shut eyes, pucker’d cheeks,
And teeth presented bare,’
sat grasping the roots on either side, a very picture of melancholy desperation. Condy, having prolonged his preparatory measures until it had become tolerably dark, notified John that he must look out, for he was now about to give the fatal pull. At this unwelcome intelligence John’s breath came thick and hard. Condy whipped his cat, and cried ‘come!’—the cat squalled, and John squeezed the roots with the gripe of a giant, but remained unmoved. Condy now addressed the stars and planets, calling several by name, whipped his cat, and again cried ‘come!’ and again John gave the roots a more than affectionate squeeze. Condy now talked Irish to his cat, whipped her, upbraided the stars with their neglect of him, and cried ‘come!’—still John maintained his position, while the cat seemed unable even to stretch the heavy rope to which she and John were attached. This farce of whipping and calling having been repeated for nearly a quarter of an hour, John began to suspect that Condy had brought him thither for the purpose of making a fool of him. Irritated by this idea, he incautiously arose from his recumbent posture, and with divers oaths and curses, demanded to know what Condy meant. Condy seeing John thus off his guard, plied his cat with Irish and hickory most energetically, and cried ‘now come!’ So said, so done: down went John into the creek. The crowd fled from the spot with a universal cry of horror. John, after having sunk for a moment in the deep water, reappeared on the surface—cut his way through the stream with the foaming rapidity of a steamboat—ploughed through the mud of the opposite shore, and brought up against the old worn fence with a shock that tumbled it in ruins to the earth. Condy hastily cut the rope, and lifting the heap of rails from his body, begged him, for God’s sake, to make the best of his way across the creek, ‘or the devil would tear him to pieces.’ John needed not much persuasion to induce him to this course, and he dashed through the water little less rapidly than when the cat helped him on. He afterward affirmed, with many an oath, that, turning his head during this passage, he saw a fiery-eyed, black monster, of the size of a bull, and bearing with him a strong odor of brimstone, leap from the bushes and pursue him to the middle of the stream.
“Thus ended the business of the night. John went home as if he had had a thousand devils at his heels. Condy marched deliberately to his lodging, exulting in the certainty of having forever humbled his mighty rival. How did his heart swell with the idea of having, little as he was, conquered the mightiest man in Chester County! ‘Now,’ said he to himself, ‘John is down, and so I will keep him; as often as he attempts to bully or look big, I have only to remind him of this night’s adventure and his crest will fall. Lord! what a time I shall have of it, and what a nourish I shall cut among the girls! Not a man of those boobies will dare to open his mouth where Condy O’Neal happens to be.’ Thus did Condy exult, little thinking of the fate which awaited him. He had no idea that, at this happy moment, his evil genius was filling the vials of his wrath in order to pour them on his devoted head.
“Condy slept soundly, and having risen, proceeded, at the usual hour, to his school-house, where he found all silent and lonely. There was no fire in the stove, nor was there a human being visible. What could it mean? Condy looked at his watch and then at the sun, but both affirmed that the hour was 9, A. M. Was this a holyday? No! Christmas does not come in November, and that is the nearest holyday. Condy mused as he prepared to kindle a fire, endeavoring to discover the probable reason of the desertion of his flock. His musings, however, were interrupted by the arrival of a middle-aged matron, followed by her children and a dozen scholars besides, who began to gather up books, slates, etc., and to decamp without even the ceremony of good-by! Condy, not a little surprised, demanded the reason of this extempore proceeding. Madam replied, that neither she nor her neighbors could think of sending their children to a teacher who had dealings with the devil. This was too much for Condy’s gravity, and loud and long did he laugh as madam retreated from the room. After his fit of merriment had subsided, Condy sat down to consider what was best to be done. ‘To argue with these people would be useless, and to reveal the secret of the trick upon John, might be only to hand my bones over to the surgeon for repairs. Well, I suppose there are other places, besides this, where the children lack learning. So there is no use in grieving about the business; for if I were as sad as the bottom of a cherry-pie, I could not mend matters a whit! It is very provoking, though, to have to run off in the moment of signal victory. But I suppose I must say farewell to Chester County.’
“Condy collected what was due to him by his patrons, and went off to Bucks County, thence to Montgomery, and so forth, seeking a situation, but in vain, for the story of his necromantic exploit had preceded him with the most awful exaggerations. Still he kept up a good heart, but soon began to find that his pocket was growing alarmingly light, and that, unless something was done to restore its gravity, he must be famished. Upon arriving at this very natural conclusion, he faced about, resolved to go to Virginia, where, under a feigned name and at a sufficient distance from the theatre of his unlucky celebrity, he might ‘teach the young idea how to shoot’ in full security.
“His knapsack was already buckled on, his bill paid, his half gill disposed of, and his staff grasped in his dexter hand, when he was surprised by the apparition of one of his comrades from Chester, who shook him most cordially by the hand, laughed heartily, slapped his shoulder, and swore that he was the cleverest fellow in the world. ‘Come Condy,’ said he, ‘you must come with me to Chester. It is all out about the cat; and look here, my old boy!’ Saying this he unfolded a school-subscription paper, containing a most imposing array of signatures, the signers promising ‘severally to pay unto Condy O’Neal the sums unto their names annexed,’ etc., etc.
“I must now inform you how the matter of the cat had been managed. On the evening preceding that on which John followed the cat with so much rapidity and so little good will, Condy took Adam North and myself, whom he had let into the secret, to the shore yonder. We had with us a good rope, which we buried slightly in the mud; one end touching the spot where Condy was to make his circle, the other end being drawn through the fence and concealed amid the weeds and alders. A stout stick about two feet long, tied by the middle to this end of the rope, was to serve us as a handle. On the appointed evening, some time before sunset, North and I took our fishing-rods and wandered down the stream, pretending to be very busy fishing; and when evening approached, we laid our rods aside and crept into the midst of the bushes at the place where our rope lay, which we found as we had left it on the preceding evening. Our instructions were, to remain quietly at our post, having our hands upon the stick, until Condy should cry, ‘now come!’ when we were to run. We were mightily tickled, as you may suppose, with the idea of the ducking and fright we were about to give the big bully; but our pleasure was not a little damped by a most unexpected apparition. North had, on leaving home, tied up his dog, a huge black deerhound, for fear of his betraying us by his barking; but shortly after the people had begun to assemble on this bank, we saw the black rascal coming toward us with his nose to the ground. Our only resource, then, was, in making him lie down with us and keep quiet; but, to our utter dismay, when he came up to the place where we lay, we discovered that he had killed a skunk by the way. There was, however, no help for us; and we had to lie close, enduring the horrible stench for nearly half an hour. When we started up to run, the hound started with us; but hearing the mighty splash made by John in his voyage, and fancying, probably, that a deer had run into the creek, he wheeled about, gave tongue, and ran toward the water, where he arrived just in time to follow John into the stream. This occasioned John’s mistake about the monster and the smell of brimstone.