[THE MEMOIRS OF COUNT ROSTOPTCHIN.]
WRITTEN IN TEN MINUTES.
A lady one day said to the celebrated Count Rostoptchin that he ought to write his memoirs. The next day the Count handed her a little roll of paper. 'What have you here?' asked the lady. 'I have obeyed your commands,' replied he; 'I have written my memoirs; here they are.' The lady was not a little surprised at the promptness of the performance; and hastened to peruse the following morceau, the caustic wit and piquancy of which will remind the reader of the keen satire of Voltaire.
MY MEMOIRS, OR MYSELF AS I AM.
WRITTEN IN TEN MINUTES.
TABLE OF CONTENTS.
I. MY BIRTH. II. MY EDUCATION. III. MY SUFFERINGS. IV. PRIVATIONS. V. MEMORABLE EPOCHS. VI. MORAL TRAITS. VII. IMPORTANT RESOLUTION. VIII. WHAT I WAS AND WHAT I MIGHT HAVE BEEN. IX. RESPECTABLE PRINCIPLES. X. MY TASTES. XI. MY DISLIKES. XII. ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE. XIII. BOUNTIES OF HEAVEN. XIV. MY EPITAPH. XV. DEDICATORY EPISTLE.
CHAPTER I: MY BIRTH.
On the twelfth day of March, 1765, I emerged from darkness into the light of day. I was measured, I was weighed, I was baptised. I was born without knowing wherefore, and my parents thanked heaven without knowing for what.
CHAPTER II: MY EDUCATION.