'Well, he kept staring at me, in the most annoying way, all the evening, after that. Oh! it was just too provoking. I'd have given worlds to've been home. He didn't know though that he looked like my brother. I do declare, I'd give any thing if he could only have known that it wasn't him that I was looking at.'
'You should have put next morning in the 'Personals' of the Herald,' quoth Sam, 'an advertisement, saying that 'The young lady in white satin cloak, white lace bonnet, and crimson roses, a fall of blonde, lavender kid gloves, and lavender silk dress, with little ruffles, pearl and white silk fan, and mother-of-pearl opera-glasses, wishes it to be understood by the young gentleman, at whom she stared for several minutes, during the last 'Martha,' that this was done solely in consequence of his extraordinary resemblance to a relative, and not because she was in the slightest degree attracted by the gentleman himself.''
'Feel better, Sam?' inquired Hiram.
'What wonderful power of extempore composition!' quoth Nella.
'Well,' said Sam, 'I'll print it any how.'
'Oh! please don't!' said Sugar. 'Indeed I'd rather you wouldn't. I know it's very kind of you, but I think I'd prefer not having it printed. I—I—wouldn't like putting you to such trouble and expense, you know.' And here Sugar looked anxiously and wistfully up at Sam, as if he were pronouncing her death-sentence. There was a general burst of indignation from all the ladies present, and Sam caught it severely. It doesn't take long for half-a-dozen women to bring one man to order, and they generally do it in about half-time when the offence is that of setting masculine quizzing against feminine weakness and tenderness. If you have any doubts, my Christian Knickerbocker friend, just try it on in the next tea-battle where you may find yourself. Just a little. Pick out the favorite—and three decent women never get together but what one tacitly becomes the pet—and undertake to quiz her, especially on some point in which the others are conscious of weakness! Don't say any thing, but just try it. That's all. If you happen to find that it pays, just drop a line to me, address Knickerbocker Office, or Vanity Fair.
'As regards Young Men,' said I, (I must have spoken very impressively, for all the girls at once slung up their heads as if I'd fired a revolver;) 'as regards Young Men, I'm certain that there isn't a sect in the whole community whose views, feelings and ideas—above all, whose sufferings, are so little thought of or described by writers.
'When a man gets to be old enough to marry, then he's immensely interesting. Then he figures every where. He's tenor in the opera, first lover in the play, first fiddle in the whole orchestra of society. He's provided for.
'But as for the youth who hasn't graduated——'
(Here one or two of the young ladies picked up their sewing, and began tumbling the work-basket.)