Truly, she prized the company of the Lord's people, and looked upon them as the excellent of the earth; and many times has said, "I want the Lord to assure me that I am one of His family, redeemed by precious blood."
For the most part she was very dark in her mind, but had rays of light, being often encouraged under the preached Word.
It was about a month before her last illness that the Lord seemed to completely wean her from the world. She seemed like one that was indeed taking the kingdom of heaven by violence. The things that belonged to her soul's happiness were eagerly sought after, while the things of the world were only a plague and a burden.
She said to a friend, "Oh, how I long for the Christmas holidays—not for the mere holiday, but that I may get away from my work, and be with the dear people of God."
About a fortnight before her illness, our dear minister spoke from the words, "My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me." It seemed to completely cut her up, as she feared she was only a hypocrite, and not a true follower, which caused her great sorrow of heart. But during the week the Lord was pleased to shine upon her once more with these words—"I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore with loving-kindness have I drawn thee." But the words were so great she feared to take them, and yet she could not put them away.
On the following Sunday, our dear pastor took for his text, "Even to Him shall men come" (Isa. xlv. 24). That day was indeed a Sabbath to her; for, as the character was described, the Lord sweetly made it plain to her that she was no longer to cut herself off, and she felt sure that she was the character described. She earnestly begged of the Lord that day that Mr. Hazlerigg might be led to take the same text in the evening. To her great joy the same words were again given out, and the sermon was attended with the same sweetness to her. She was indeed full. A friend who walked with her from chapel said afterwards, that she seemed in a most heavenly frame of mind. She could do nothing but speak of the favoured times she had had in hearing.
The next, and indeed the last, time that she was permitted to meet with us on earth, was at our prayer-meeting on the Monday evening, and then she seemed again to be much favoured.
She was taken ill on the Wednesday evening. On the following Friday, the writer, being sent for, went and found her very ill, but her mind seemed stayed upon eternal things. I said, "Do you think you shall get better, Emma?" to which she replied, "I do not know. If the complaint is not stayed, I must sink; but I do not mind." I asked her if she feared death. She replied, "No; I only want the Lord to reveal Himself to me more, and then I do not mind whether it is life or death." She said, "I have only one wish, and that is, that the affliction may be sanctified." She said that verse had been so blessed to her—
"Fenced with Jehovah's 'shalls' and 'wills,'
Firm as the everlasting hills."
I said, "Oh, Emma, how good of the Lord to give you those words. He knows how full of fears you are, and how Satan would cast his 'buts' and 'ifs' at you; but the Lord has given you those words to quench Satan's darts with." I told her I believed the Lord was either preparing her for His Church below, or His Church above. She smiled, and said, "I hope it is so."