No, boy. Every fire goes out when its time comes. My grief is great, so great that when I look around me I say to myself: good heavens, what has become of everything else that’s large and great? Where has it all gone to? The forest is small, the house is small, the mountain is small, the whole earth is small, a mere poppy seed. You have to walk cautiously and look out, lest you reach the end and drop off.
..........
Speransky: I feel blue.
King Herod: Keep still, keep still, I don’t want to listen. You are suffering? Keep still. I am a man too, brother, so I don’t understand. I’ll insult you if you don’t look out.
... Here I am with my sorrow. You see what it is—there is no greater on earth. And yet if God spoke to me and said, “Yeremy, I will give you the whole earth if you give me your grief,” I wouldn’t give it away. I will not give it away, friend. It is sweeter to me than honey; it is stronger than the strongest drink. Through it I have learned the truth.
Savva: God?
King Herod: Christ—that’s the one! He alone can understand the sorrow that is in me. He sees and understands. “Yes, Yeremy, I see how you suffer.” That’s all. “I see.” And I answer Him: “Yes, O Lord, behold my sorrow!” That’s all. No more is necessary.
Savva: What you value in Christ is His suffering...?
King Herod: You mean His crucifixion? No, brother, that suffering was a trifle. They crucified him—what did that matter? The important point was that thereby He came to know the truth. As long as He walked the earth, He was—well—a man, rather a good man—talking here and there about this and that.... But when these same fellows carried Him off to the cross and went at Him with knouts, whips, and lashes, then His eyes were opened. “Aha!” He said, “so that’s what it is!” And He prayed: “I cannot endure such suffering. I thought it would be a simple crucifixion; but, O Father in Heaven, what is this?” And the Father said to Him: “Never mind, never mind, Son! Know the truth, know what it is.” And from then on He fell to sorrowing, and has been sorrowing to this day.
... And everywhere, wherever I go, I see before me His pure visage. “Do you understand my suffering, O Lord?” “I understand, Yeremy, I understand everything. Go your way in peace.” I am to Him like a transparent crystal with a tear inside. “You understand, Lord?” “I understand, Yeremy.” “Well, and I understand you too.” So we live together. He with me, I with him. I am sorry for Him also. When I die, I will transmit my sorrow to Him. “Take it Lord.”