The Greek commanders at the siege of Troy, and who were likewise all royal sovereigns, never presumed to set before their guests any food but that cooked by their own hands. Achilles was famous for—broiling beefsteaks.
Instead of "Do let me send you some more of this mock turtle"—"Another patty"—"Sir, some of this trifle," "I must insist upon your trying this nice melon;"
The language of hospitality should rather run thus:—"Shall I send you a fit of the cholic, Sir?"
"Pray let me have the pleasure of giving you a pain in your stomach."
"Sir, let me help you to a little gentle bilious head-ache."
"Ma'am, you surely cannot refuse a touch of inflammation in the bowels."
If you feed on rich sauces, drink deep of strong wine,
In the morn go to bed, and not till night dine;
And the order of Nature thus turn topsy turvy!