The mild business man was calmly reading his paper in the crowded trolley-car. In front of him stood a little woman hanging by a strap. Her arm was being slowly torn out of her body, her eyes were flashing at him, but she constrained herself to silence.
Finally, after he had endured it for twenty minutes, he touched her arm, and said:
"Madam, you are standing on my foot."
"Oh, am I?" she savagely retorted. "I thought it was a valise."—Kansas City Independent.
SHAKESPEARE ON WOMAN.
She is mine own;
And I as rich in having such a jewel
As twenty seas, if all their sand were pearl,
The water nectar, and the rocks pure gold.
Two Gentlemen of Verona.
A MAIDEN SPEECH.
Very few persons acquit themselves nobly in their maiden speech. At a wedding feast recently the bridegroom was called upon, as usual, to respond to the given toast.
Blushing to the roots of his hair, he rose to his feet. He intended to imply that he was unprepared for speechmaking, but, unfortunately, placed his hand upon the bride's shoulder, and looked down at her as he stammered out his opening (and concluding) words: "This—er—thing has been thrust upon me."—Tit-Bits.