Then everything was in its place,
When my paw was a boy;
How he could rassle, jump, and race,
When my paw was a boy!
He never, never disobeyed;
He beat in every game he played—
Gee! What a record they was made
When my paw was a boy!
I wisht 'at I'd been here when
My paw he was a boy;
They'll never be his like agen—
Paw was the model boy,
But still last night I heard my maw
Raise up her voice and call my paw
The worst fool that she ever saw—
He ought of stayed a boy!
Chicago Times-Herald.
TOO MANY LEGS.
Senator Elsberg of New York was talking in Albany about a notoriously untruthful man.
"Like all great liars," said Senator Elsberg, "he is careless. He fails to keep accurate note of all the lies he tells. Hence innumerable contradictions, innumerable stories that won't hold together."
Senator Elsberg smiled.
"The average chronic liar," he said, "has the luck of a boy I know who enlisted and went to the Philippines. This boy, whenever he wanted money, would write home from Manila something like this:
"'Dear Father—I have lost another leg in a stiff engagement, and am in hospital without means. Kindly send two hundred dollars at once.'
"To the last letter of this sort that the boy wrote home, he received the following answer: