“Nothing—I—I thought the face seemed familiar.”
Why, why had Roger lied to her? What could be his motive in telling her that he was not engaged? It seemed altogether despicable of him—after her direct question.
The awful thought came to her that he had been playing with her. She had always feared this—that some man would see through her superficialities, and play with her. She drew a mental picture of Roger’s calm, ironical smile, and his conceit in his own success. Oh!
That night they were to drive out to the country, to a barn dance. Roger arrived in his roadster at the appointed hour. Helen stepped into the car frigidly, not deigning to take his extended hand. She was going to punish him—punish him—for leading her on as he had. But no sooner had the car started than he made her laugh at some foolish joke; and half of the frost was thawed. Then, too, he was sitting very close to her. And he had that damnably attractive look in his eyes. She decided to defer the punishment—for a number of “reasons”. It would spoil the whole evening—their last evening, since John was bound for New York the next day. There would be so much fun for both of them—to go ahead—to-night—just as they had been going. Finally—and this decided her—by holding her knowledge of his engagement secretly in the back of her mind, she would be able to inflict a subtler and much more severe punishment upon him when he was not expecting it. She would be in the position of an opportunist, with hidden weapons ready for the emergencies. So she sat back comfortably in the seat beside him, and talked in the most fascinatingly intimate way that she knew.
They stopped at the top of a long hill, and he swung the car to the side of the road, so that they could see far out across the moonlit Connecticut valley.
“We’re out of gas,” he said with a smile, “and besides, I want to look at the view.”
Helen rather liked the way he said it, since the engine was still turning over healthily. Still, she hesitated. As he reached for the switches and turned out the lights, she knew, deep in her nature, that she could not control this situation. They had better drive on. But then, there was the thrill of excitement, of the new experience. Again she found “reasons”. Why, it would be all right. John was in love with Georgiana. There was no danger. He was a sane, honest man. He desired, like herself, merely the thrill of the moment. Men who are engaged are safe. Yet even as this thought flashed into her mind, she felt his hand upon hers, and his arm around her shoulders. For a moment the picture of Georgiana flashed before her eyes. She saw, again, Georgiana’s beautiful hair and her supreme expression. Then it was that she gave herself up to Roger entirely, for the vision of the other girl made him seem even more intensely romantic.
Her principles! Where were they now? After Roger had started up the car again, the whole past seemed to cry out to her that she had been unworthy of herself.
“Roger,” she said, holding his arm, “we ought not to have done that?”