GOVERNMENT MAN-TRAPS
“Knowing my reputation for veracity, be prompt, my brother, to intercede if the unregenerate of your neighborhood should question the following facts: In the course of each year some 80,000,000 ox-loads of grain are manufactured into a health-destroying poison; ... coal stoves, pretty as the vases of Nagasaki, radiate warmth in winter; fans, operated by unseen forces, mitigate the heat of the summer season. Singers often warble with the skill of the sirens. In the neighborhood of these seductive traps the Government then posts its man-catchers and awaits results. It may seem incredible. But I have been informed that in Southern China monkeys are often captured by similar devices. When the poison begins to operate they fall bewildered, and their awakening in a cage the next morning must tend to mitigate the frivolity of their disposition.”
A THOUGHTFUL LANDLORD
“The owner of the estate, we ascertained, was a timber merchant, as well as a pillar of virtue, and a large number of trees in the rear of the building had recently been felled—probably to give the neighborhood a more unobstructed view of heaven.”
COMPENSATING LEGISLATION
“Those stock gamblers, whose conspiracies had ruined thousands, were not mistaken in their expectation that the law would protect them against the risk of a riot. Children, gambling for peanuts, are promptly arrested. The advantages of magisterial virtue cannot be overrated.”
FOUR-HANDED FILIPINOS
“Apes, almost as dissolute as sparrows, are exhibited in the parks of several American cities.... In the Philippine Islands a large number of these animals has recently been captured and caged—probably to limit their opportunity for worldly enjoyments.”
NEMESIS
“But we learned that the steam launch scudding along the west shore of the bay was a smuggler, and its pursuer a Government revenue tug. For weeks—perhaps for months—the contrabandists, of Canadian origin, had been selling meat at frivolous rates, and the avengers of sacrilege were now at their heels.”