“Just told ye!—his name is Bertram! He also says ‘eyther’ and ‘nyther’, which pronunciations cheat me out of all the good his sermons might otherwise do me. I could overlook that, though, if his name wasn’t Bertram. For years that’s been pretty nearly a fighting word with me. When I was a freckle-nosed schoolboy in the old Head-o’-the-River district, there was a boy named Bertram there, who had a swifter sled than mine, and didn’t have to wear his Pa’s cut-down-to-fit-him clothes like I did, and who spelt me down the last day of school, and took from me the bashful affection of the pantaletted little girl who was all the world to me at that particular time. I couldn’t get even with him then for he could lick me, and did. And ever since I’ve—”
“But, my goodness! This isn’t the same Bertram!”
“No, but he’s a Bertram, and somehow all Bertrams have looked alike to me ever since. All these years I’ve been hostile to Bertrams, and have never been able to conquer the feeling, try as I might. Any Bertram affects me the same way—a Bertram is a Bertram, to me, and I simply can’t help it. The Lord loves a cheerful giver, and as I couldn’t any more give cheerfully to this or any other Bertram than I could sing a hymn while sitting down on wet ice, I won’t add a cent to that ’ere half-mile of pennies. That’s all there is to it.”
News Record
FROM JANUARY 8 TO FEBRUARY 8, 1906
Home News
January 8.—Senator Rayner, of Maryland, attacks President Roosevelt’s attitude on the Santo Domingan question. He declares the President has twisted the Monroe Doctrine into a “Roosevelt Doctrine.”
President Roosevelt transmits the report of the Panama Canal Commissioners and the Panama Railroad directors to the Senate. The reports are accompanied by a letter from the President in which he challenges an investigation of the canal work.