"Martha, my dear," said a loving husband to his spouse, who was several years his junior, "what do you say to moving to the far West?" "Oh, I'm delighted with the idea! You recollect when Mr. Morgan moved out there he was as poor as we are; and he died in three years, leaving his widow worth a hundred thousand dollars."
"Ma," said a juvenile grammarian, when she returned from school; "ma, mayn't I take some of the currant-jelly on the sideboard?" "No," said the mother, sternly. "Well, then, ma, mayn't I take some of the ice-cream?" "No," again replied "ma." It was not long, however, before the young miss was found "diggin'" into both. "Did I not tell you," said the maternal parent, in a somewhat angry tone, "not to touch them?" "You said no twice, ma," said the precocious girl, "and the schoolmistress says that two negatives are equal to an affirmative; so I thought you meant that I should eat them."
"Mat, I want another porter." "What ales the one you have, Dick?" "He's dead." "Gone to his bier, eh?" "Hang you, Dick, your wit's always a broad-cider."
"Jack, Jack!" cried a sailor, on board a ship at sea, lately, to one of his companions.—"Hello!" replied Jack; "what is it?"—"Your brother's overboard."—"Overboard?"—"Yes."—"Blow the lubber! he has got my sea-boots and monkey-jacket on!"
Judge Rooke, in going the western circuit, had a great stone thrown at his head; but, from the circumstance of his stooping very much, it passed over him. "You see," said he to his friends, "that had I been an upright judge, I might have been killed."