"Dad," said an incipient legislator to his indulgent parent, who had gratified him with a visit to the galleries of the capital, "say do you see any row going on? I don't." "No," said the astonished father, "of course not. Why did you ask?" "Cause the man in the big desk says—'the eyes have it!'—and just now he said the nose had it—so I thought there was some fun down there some'ers!"
During a learned lecture by a German adventurer, one Baron Vondullbrains, he illustrated the glory of mechanics, as a science, thus:—"De t'ing dat is made is more superior dan de maker, I shall show you how in some t'ings. Suppose I make de round wheel of de coach? Ver' well; dat wheel roll round five hundred mile!—and I cannot roll one myself! Suppose I am a cooper, what you call, and I make de big tub to hold wine? He hold tons and gallons; and I cannot hold more dan five bottle! So you see dat what is made is more superior dan de maker."
"Doctor, that ere ratsbane of yourn is fust rate," said a Yankee to a village apothecary.—"Know'd it," said the pleased vendor of drugs. "Don't keep nothing but first-rate doctor's stuff."—"And, doctor," said the joker, coolly, "I want to buy another pound of ye."—"Another pound?"—"Yes, sir; I gin that pound I bought the other day to a nibbling mouse, and it made him dreadful sick, and I am sure another pound would kill him!"
Drunken Davy, after spending his day's earnings at a grocery, set out for home. "Well," says he, "if I find my wife up, I'll kick her—what business has she to sit up, wasting fire and light, eh? And if I find her in bed, I'll kick her—what business has she to go to bed before I get home?"