"Do you ever want to sleep, Major, when you can't?" I asked of a very convivial friend.
"Of course, of course, sah."
"Well, what do you do?"
"What do I do? You blamed idiot, what would any man with a brain do? Why, when I want to sleep and feel so wide awake that I could go out and read in the dark I go take a good, long drink of my customary beverage, sah. You know what that is. Then, sah, if that fails, I go take anothah. If that does not kiss down my eyelids I go and take two. If Morpheus refuses to lock me in his arms I go and take three more, and by that time I don't care a continental darn whether I ever go to sleep or not."
—Toledo Blade.
Hard to Believe.
"Pa," said a lad to his father, "I have often read of people poor but honest; why don't they sometimes say 'rich but honest?'"