Regina felt her own wish went for nothing in the matter. On the contrary, as in artistic creation, a great wish seems to war against production. She thought of all the poor royal women who, through the ages, had asked the common gift, and been denied!
No; incredible as it seemed to her, considering all the health and strength and love they both possessed, it still might be that she would not be able to give him the one thing he had said he wished in marriage. Then, if he was married to her, bound to her, it would be impossible for him ever to realise his desire for an heir, ever to dispose of his property as he wanted to. She, herself, could not free him, except by her death, which would mean sorrow, or her desertion, which would mean disgrace—for him. She, unfruitful, useless, would be standing in the place of another woman, who possibly would have done for him what she could not.
The thought was so bitter she clenched her hands as it came to her. No, she would leave him free, until at least she was sure she had the capacity for motherhood.
Even then she might not bear a son, but that was a risk she must take, and every other woman equally with her, since conventional law makes it necessary that marriage must precede the birth of the child for it to be legitimate. That, she could not help, no means of hers could avoid that risk for him. But no other would she allow, for her own advantage. Truly and really, she kept to her duty, as she had announced it to Miss Lanark.
And wearied out at last, by much thought for the dear, unconscious one beside her she too, at last, fell asleep.
The next day the rifle and the pistol were sent home, and Everest explained to her carefully all the properties and powers of the death-dealing objects. She listened to it all most attentively:
"This is the best part about them, I think," she said, when he had finished, and bent over the "My Darling" engraved upon them, and kissed it.