A Butcher made Happy
An old Parisian lady residing in the Rue Fontaine St. Georges, left by will the whole of her fortune to her butcher. Its amount was invested in rentes, and produced $7500 a year.
The butcher was in no way related to her, did not even know her by sight, neither had she ever seen him. As the testatrix had no heirs either direct or collateral, and no relations, the will was not disputed, and the butcher glided quite comfortably into his new position.
He used “Plain English”
The last will and testament of Mr. Daniel Martinett, of Calcutta, in the East Indies.
“In the name of God, I, Daniel Martinett, of the town of Calcutta, being in perfect mind and memory, though weak of body, make this my last Will and Testament in manner and form following.... To avoid Latin phrases, as it is a tongue I am not well versed in, ‘I shall speak in plain English.’
“First. In the most submissive manner I recommend my soul to Almighty God, &c.
“Secondly. Now as to worldly concerns, in the following manner:—As to this fulsome carcase having already seen enough of worldly pomp, I desire nothing relative to it to be done, only its being stowed away in my old green chest, to avoid expense; for as I lived profusely, I die frugally.
“Thirdly. The undertaker’s fees come to nothing, as I won them from him at a game of billiards, in the presence of Mr. Thomas Morrice and William Perkes, at the said William Perkes’ house, in February last. I furthermore request, not only as it is customary, but as I sincerely believe the prayers of the good availeth, and are truly consistent with decency, that the Rev. Mr. Henry Butler read the prayers which are customary at burials, and also preach a sermon on Sunday next after my decease, taking his text from Solomon, “All is vanity.” In consideration of which, over and above his fees, I bestow upon him all my hypocrisy, which he wants as a modern good man; but as my finances are low, and cannot conveniently discharge his fees, I hope he will please accept the will for the deed.
“Fourthly. To Henry Vansittart, Esq., Governor of Bengal, as an opulent man, I leave the discharge of all such sums of money (the whole not exceeding 300 rupees) that I shall stand indebted to indigent persons in the town of Calcutta.