This is a very ancient document. Mr. S. Baring-Gould in his unique work “Curiosities of Olden Times,” says of it:
“S. Jerome speaks of it, saying, that in his time (fourth century) children were wont to sing it at school amidst shouts of laughter. Alexander Brassicanus, who died in 1539, was the first to publish it. He found it in a Ms. at Mayence. Later, G. Fabricius gave a corrected edition of it from another Ms. found at Memel and since then it has been in the hands of the learned.”
With slight modifications, the will runs as follows:
“I, M. Grunnius Corcotta Porcellus, have made my testament, which, as I can’t write myself, I have dictated.”
Says Magirus, the cook: “Come along, thou who turnest the house topsy-turvy, spoiler of the pavement, O fugitive Porcellus! I am resolved to slaughter thee to-day.”
Says Corcotta Porcellus: “If ever I have done thee any wrong, if I have sinned in any way, if I have smashed any wee pots with my feet, O Master Cook, grant pardon to thy suppliant!”
Says the cook Magirus: “Halloo, boy! go bring me a carving-knife out of the kitchen, that I may make a bloody Porcellus of him.”
Porcellus is caught by the servants, and brought out to execution on the xvi before the Lucernine Kalends, just when young colewort sprouts are in plenty, Clybaratus and Piperatus being Consuls.
Now when he saw that he was about to die, he begged hard of the cook an hour’s grace, just to write his will. He called together his relations, that he might leave them some of his victuals; and he said:
“I will and bequeath to my papa, Verrinus Lardinus, 30 bush. of acorns.