Those who possess leisure and patience for the research might find in the pigeon holes of will offices some remarkable evidences of human malignity.
Among the most capricious, perhaps, is the specimen we subjoin, penned by an Earl of Pembroke, who lived during the political turmoils of the seventeenth century; it testifies to a shrewd knowledge of character, and is expressed with a considerable amount of dry humor which considerably softens its severity.
The copy from which this is taken bears the signature of the then keeper of these records—Nathaniel Brind—beneath the words “Concordat cum originali.”
“I, Philip, V Earl of Pembroke and Montgomery, being, as I am assured, of unsound health, but of sound memory—as I well remember me that five years ago I did give my vote for the despatching of old Canterbury, neither have I forgotten that I did see my King upon the scaffold—yet as it is said that Death doth even now pursue me, and, moreover, as it is yet further said that it is my practice to yield under coercion, I do now make my last will and testament.
“Imprimis: As for my soul, I do confess I have often heard men speak of the soul, but what may be these same souls, or what their destination, God knoweth; for myself, I know not. Men have likewise talked to me of another world, which I have never visited, nor do I even know an inch of the ground that leadeth thereto. When the King was reigning, I did make my son wear a surplice, being desirous that he should become a Bishop, and for myself I did follow the religion of my master: then came the Scotch, who made me a Presbyterian, but since the time of Cromwell, I have become an Independent. These are, methinks, the three principal religions of the kingdom—if any one of the three can save a soul, to that I claim to belong: if, therefore, my executors can find my soul, I desire they will return it to Him who gave it to me.
“Item: I give my body, for it is plain I cannot keep it; as you see, the chirurgeons are tearing it in pieces. Bury me, therefore; I hold lands and churches enough for that. Above all, put not my body beneath the church-porch, for I am, after all, a man of birth, and I would not that I should be interred there, where Colonel Pride was born.
“Item: I will have no monument, for then I must needs have an epitaph, and verses over my carcase: during my life I have had enough of these.
“Item: I desire that my dogs may be shared among all the members of the Council of State. With regard to them, I have been all things to all men; sometimes went I with the Peers, sometimes with the Commons. I hope, therefore, they will not suffer my poor curs to want.
“Item: I give my two best saddle-horses to the Earl of Denbigh whose legs, methinks, must soon begin to fail him. As regardeth my other horses, I bequeath them to Lord Fairfax, that when Cromwell and his council take away his commission he may still have some horse to command.
“Item: I give all my wild beasts to the Earl of Salisbury, being very sure he will preserve them, seeing that he refused the King a doe out of his park.