“Paralyzed —— ——!” howls Dirty. “Wish I was. Who in —— got the idea of puttin’ cactus on the stage?”
“Look out for that mule!” yelps Magpie, and I looks up at the dim figure of that locoed mule, almost over me. I yanks away from my steer and the steer yanks right with me. Under ordinary conditions I’d ’a’ been able to get away, but I’ve got one leg through a string of them sleigh-bells, and when that steer starts for the door, Ike Harper E-squire went right along—on the back of his neck.
I hooked a lot of chairs on my way, kinda trying to impede the hoofs of progress, but that scared steer made funny little noises and keeps going. There’s a lantern hung at the head of the stairs, and I reckon the steer was hunting for light.
Just before we hits the top of the stairs I hears a strain of quartet music:
“Tentin’ to-o-o-o-night, tentin’ to-o-o——”
Crash!
We hit the doorway with our assortment of furniture, and the next thing I know I’m amid more feller mortals and we’re all traveling the downward path. I sees some red, white and blue lights, and I’m loose. I reckon the bell strap busted. I gets to my feet, dodging stars and other aerial impediments, when the stairs almost shakes out from under me, and I gets a glimpse of Maud S falling downstairs.
Folks, I jumped—but too late. Me and Maud S landed at the bottom together. I grabs the mule with both hands, and I feels her get up with me hanging to some part of her anatomy. It’s about twenty feet from the bottom of the stairs to the door, and I rode some part of that crop-eared mule as far as the exit, where the top of the door slapped me in the face and I went into the land of Once Upon a Time.
I’m just about to live happy ever afterwards, when something seems to wake me up. I feels a dragging sensation, along with other painful things, and then I dimly hears Dirty Shirt say—
“You’ve gotta help me, Muley.”