When the parent can convince the boy that the knowledge is imparted, not with the intention of depriving him of what he may construe as his natural liberties and rights, but with the single intention of adding to the sum total of his pleasure and success, he will look more kindly upon any proposition that suggests a course of conduct that leads to clean living. Sex hygiene will eventually find a natural place in the scheme of education. It will be taught to male and female alike. In the meantime, however, we must begin by educating the educators—the parents. In the beginning, their task will not be easy. There will be much to overcome, much ignorance, prudery, false modesty, hypocrisy; there will be much vicious teaching and evil example to live down. But we cannot hope to achieve results in the noblest cause, save by patient, intelligent, and persistent effort and by self-sacrifice and a constant enthusiasm. The aim is to tell all,—all the truth,—so that we may never be assailed by the cry, "No one told me, I did not know," from the loved lips of son or daughter gone astray.
The Father and the Boy.—The right kind of father can always find the time and the way to awaken in the heart of the boy the spirit of companionship. No boy living will resent the fellowship of the right kind of father. It depends upon the father! If the spirit of chumminess does not exist between you and your boy, you are at fault, you have made a mistake, you have missed your opportunity, you "did not go about it in the right way and in the right spirit." Try again—it may not be too late.
The father who adopts the habit of taking his boys (and his girls too) out for long walks, at least every Sunday, and who spends an hour with them every evening—is the right kind of father. One who has never tested the merit of walks with children cannot possibly appreciate the enjoyment and benefit that can accrue from them. It is not only the physical good that results, nor the inspiration which one may draw from nature, but the concrete advantages that come from the fellowship with the children are a new and a real experience—this is what counts. You will have opportunities of sewing seeds in their minds that will grow into a harvest that will astonish you. Children in the right mood—and they are in the right mood when they are happy, and they are happy out in the open with an interesting companion—are alert, and responsive, and eager to be told "things," and this mood can be put to marvelous use by the "right kind of father." The father who wanders forth with the fixed purpose of thinking out some business problem during the walk and permits the children to find their own amusement is the wrong kind of father. He must choose to be a child again, he must desire to please them, he must make an effort to be in harmony with them, he must draw on his experience to interest them, he must talk to them entertainingly of every interesting problem which the walk itself suggests or he must formulate a plan and select a subject with a definite educational scheme in view. We can, in a most effective way, begin to build their characters, and, by the right kind of talk and enthusiasm, he can determine their resolves to be honest, truthful, just, clean, sympathetic. He can instill into them, in a thousand different ways, the determination and inspiration to succeed. It is a wonderful and a precious chance, and it will make the "right kind of father" more just, more sympathetic, more optimistic, and it will make him young again and more successful. Try it.
Implant in the hearts of your children a love of home, make the evening meal and hour by the fireside a period of congenial fellowship, when all the little irritable ruffles of the day may be ironed out and swept away. The secret is to be intimate. Tell them the secret of success from your standpoint, how happiness is gained only by being efficient and successful, and that, to be efficient, one must be energetic and healthy. Drum into their ears the truth that life is a battle, and only the brave "win out," and health is the one essential necessity. It is astonishing how such talks will impress young minds. They will remind you of things you said, that made a lasting impression on them, long after you have forgotten the incident.
A father can, in this way, by talking of the future to his boy, convey to him the high hopes he entertains of the great success the boy is going to achieve—you establish a standard in the boy's mind, and he unconsciously hopes to attain that standard. If you have impressed him with the necessity of preserving his health and strength, as an essential to success, he will be slow to yield to any temptation that may interfere with his plans. This reasoning may sound quixotic to some people, but it is the truth. Many a boy has been inspired to success by the knowledge that his mother or father believed in him, and was confident he would be a leader. He strove to justify the pride and confidence of those who held him dear, and he won out.
To retain his health, therefore, is the first impulse to be conveyed to the boy. When he recognizes this truth, it is an easy task to instill a love of exercise, gymnastics, swimming, fresh air, cleanliness and temperance in him. If these are attained, you will have tided him over the tendency to self-abuse, and you will have rendered him less likely to yield to evil suggestion or temptation. His confidence in you will be whole-hearted and implicit. You can do anything with him at the psychological moment. It is now time to talk of more intimate matters. Carefully and tactfully, the father approaches the fundamental truths of sex hygiene.
The selection of a subject for a text as a means from which to advance toward the real facts is sometimes of importance. It must not appear as though the subject was designedly chosen. If it follows in a natural way it will more thoroughly interest the boy and he will have swallowed a large dose of truth before he is impressed with the personal viewpoint. A passing trotting horse has served me a number of times for intimate talks with boys on heredity and kindred subjects. I invite the boy to watch how the horse uses his legs, and how rhythmically and beautifully he places his feet, and how his whole attitude serves the end for which he is exerting himself—to gain speed. Tell the boy the story of how professional breeders have achieved such marvelous results; how for generations the "strain" has been kept clean and pure, how any descendant of a great sire, who showed any habit detrimental to the development of the highest racing qualities—no matter how trivial the disability might be—was cast aside, experience having taught that it does not pay to waste effort and time on any horse whose physical or mental characteristics are not up to the highest standard. Such a horse will not win, and it is only "wins" that count.
Change the subject to human beings. Tell him how the race maintains its standard; but show him the difference between the methods employed. How the horse has his mate selected because of the female's good qualities, so that the offspring may possess like qualities, if not better, and that the selection is made by men who know their business, and have had long experience in the work. How, on the other hand, a young man with no experience is permitted to choose any woman he may fancy irrespective of her qualifications. As a consequence, we have all kinds of children, good and bad, feeble and strong, honest and dishonest, some degenerates from birth, some criminal, and many diseased and inefficient, few of them "winners." It is an easy matter to preach a little sermon from this text. Show him how essential it is to select the mother of one's children wisely, to know if there is disease in the future wife's blood, if her family history is good, if her temperament is suited to his, if her domestic qualities are satisfactory, if her principles are moral and normal, and if she understands and appreciates the true object and function of marriage. Show him also the element of justice involved in the marriage contract; that he must give what he exacts, that if he expects a healthy and normal wife, he must be healthy and normal himself; if he expects purity and cleanliness he must give purity and cleanliness; if he expects to mate with a fit female he must be an efficient and fit male. Remember that every act, deed, thought, and aspiration is regulated by laws which one cannot fool with, or disobey, without reaping a harvest which will conquer, crush and ruin you, no matter how clever or smart you may think yourself.
Show him the wisdom of the breeders' habit of never permitting sexual liberties in a too young stallion. For the same reason the boy must conserve his strength and virility for the marriage state and for the function of procreation.
In a further talk, the father may extend this subject and gradually lead up to the "consequences" of the unclean life. The boy will be ready for this talk and will evince an interest in it that will be encouraging and promising.