Your Husband's Friends Should be Your Friends.—Be sure your husband's friends are your friends. Business or professional exigencies do not always permit a man to choose or select his acquaintances. You can be sure, however, he will not ask or expect you to associate with any doubtful person, though it may be necessary to extend a welcome to an undesirable business, or professional associate, for the time being. When these occasions occur, do not mar the opportunity to help by any exhibition of temper, or dissatisfaction. He may be trying to make the best of an unfortunate incident. Help him. Do not discourage him for at heart his object is to gain some business advantage that will redound to your advantage as well as his own.
Nothing pleases a man more than to know that his wife is "a good fellow," that no matter what seems to be questionable on the surface, he can rely upon her to know that everything is right underneath,—that his motive is good.
Do not invite him to tell a lie in order to avoid a scolding. Nothing is more unfortunate, nothing is more easy for an ordinarily good, but misunderstood man, than the tendency to fib about little things, if he feels in his heart that his wife will scold,—that she will fail to see the point. It wounds his self-respect to have to do so, yet he selects the minor evil as he sees it, he sacrifices his manhood in the interests of domestic peace.
Two Kinds of People in the World.—Roughly, there are two kinds of individuals in the world, the individual who will, and the individual who will not. There are individuals who will not see the truth, who fail to see the point in an argument, who are obtuse and obstinate. This trait is largely wilful perversity and ignorance. We cannot help noting them in the passing, but we scarcely hope to interest them, though we cannot restrain our sympathy.
Young wives who come within this category will remain the laggards, the degenerates. Their evolution is revolution, they become the fault-finders, the discontents, the gossips. They do not love themselves nor are they loved by any human being. They are the domestic failures. As wives they dishonor the sex, as mothers they dishonor God.
In reality, there is but one thing in the universe—mind. By "mind," we mean the ability to reason. Every human being comes into the world with this ability. Our health, happiness, efficiency, success, depends absolutely upon how we utilize this birthright. There is no limitation to this ability. Heredity and environment have little to do with it. It is a personal equation. "It depends upon how you do it," has been frequently reiterated in the preceding pages. This implies, to what use you put your mind, and this is the secret of the young wife's efficiency and success. True happiness is a mind product. It is a creation of mind activity. The evanescent pleasures are not character builders, but a created thought is a pregnant possibility. The young wife who begins her wedded life with ideals with the determination to succeed, with certain well thought out plans, will progress. Her world is her husband and her home. Her husband must succeed, her home must be comfortable and happy. She must contribute her full share in achieving these results. If she permits her personal amusement to be the dominant purpose she will fail. She cannot transgress the law and remain immune. How can she begin right? Give her best to her home. A woman who gives her most gracious smiles and her most captivating manners to society, is false to her husband and her home. The prettiest gown and the brightest jewels should grace her own dinner table. To bring them out only to attend a reception, or a tea party, is a desecration. Many women expend their moral and spiritual strength upon the "club," and bring the withering remnants as a sacrifice to the blighted home fireside. We have no right to help build a church, or foster a philanthropy by depleting our strength and resources in the effort, only to give the frazzled ends of our talents to home and home-making. Nor has a woman any right to exhaust her strength in the toil of mere housekeeping, and reserve for the evening hour of conversation a bundle of quivering nerves and an exasperated temper. These women are not home-makers. Their ideal of wifehood and motherhood is fundamentally wrong. Every power of the body, and of the mind and spirit, should be devoted to the achievement of a home atmosphere. It is the creation of this quality that spells contentment, peace, happiness, and no other.
A young wife with an ideal, with a definite plan, and with a true appreciation of her dignity and importance, will never find time to daily gossip over the back fence with her neighbor, nor will she join the sewing circle whose function is well known to be scandal bartering. "Give your best to your home,"—one of the great advantages of having a specific plan is that it wholly engages our mind. If we have an object in view, if we want something, it implies interest, and if we are interested deeply in something we think about it. Every spare moment will be used by the mind in devising ways and means to achieve our purpose. We will not find time to seek the questionable amusement of gossip. The women who are eternally poking their noses into other people's business, who burden their minds with other people's affairs, who are busybodies, always neglect their homes and their children. They have no ideals, they are the derelicts of the community. Remember that "Satan finds some mischief still for idle minds to do."
The Most Popular Woman.—The most popular woman is the one whom a majority of all women would vote for in a popularity contest. Many women are so notoriously vixenish and jealous of members of their own sex, that, it would seem to be worth while to analyze the qualifications of the most popular woman, in an effort to discover the one quality which appeals to her own sex. After exhausting the list, we find the most popular woman possesses, in a high degree, the quality of tactful, or diplomatic flattery. The art of flattery is an acquired habit. Statesmen and politicians know its value. Even the little seekers after public office cultivate it assiduously. It is undoubtedly an asset of much value in every sphere of life, but it must not be overdone. Every member of the human-family will tolerate a large amount of it without showing resentment. This is the reason why it is a valuable asset and of such general usefulness. Sometimes a woman will boast that she detests flattery, yet she is highly pleased when you tell her that the one quality you admire in her is that she cannot be flattered. If, therefore, the young wife desires to become popular, for her own sake, or if she regards this as one way to contribute to her husband's efficiency, should his success depend upon public approval,—she may cultivate the art of diplomatic flattery. The cultivation of any art is not a one-sided accomplishment. It is beneficial in many ways, and aids distinctly in character building. No one, for example, can acquire the art of tactful flattery and retain a sour or mean disposition. To flatter efficiently you must seem delighted, and the delight must express itself in smiles and kindly words. These habits will impress themselves upon your inner consciousness, and before you know it, the habit will be a constituent part of your temperamental armamentarium.
The most popular woman will acquire the habit of making some flattering observation every time anyone's name is mentioned, and she will never be guilty of criticising a living person or a dead one. She will make it her rule in life, in order to sustain her reputation, never to make an enemy. She will cultivate the insinuating art of shaking hands, of smiling sweetly, and of making apropos remarks. No one will ever leave her without feeling that she is an exceedingly gracious person. She will even convey to them, in her inimitable way, the impression that she thinks they are "just right." She will use "blarney" as a science in an artful way. The flattering remarks she will make regarding others will be passed along by those to whom she makes them, and she will be responsible for an epidemic of egoism all over town. It is a wonderful art.
If the young wife keeps this up for some time she will begin to notice certain things. She will be accorded much flattering attention herself and she will be treated with marked consideration wherever she goes. She will be received cordially, and every aspiring other woman will make strenuous efforts to include her among her friends. She will be invited to participate in public functions when members of her sex take part, and she will be favored and her interests furthered in all social organizations.