A happy marriage need not be a successful one. Some couples attain happiness through sorrow, grief, and failure. The so-called happy marriage, like happiness itself, is only a myth, made up of anticipation and memory. You have only to look into the calm and wrinkled faces of old women, and talk to them to discover that the outcome of unselfishness and abnegation forms the nearest approach to happiness in married life or out of it. It is the bearing of the burdens of life that constitutes its happiness.
The Evils of Early Marriage.—No woman has the vitality to stand the strain of maternity before the twenty-third year. If a girl marries at eighteen years of age she gives the world children totally unfit to struggle with its problems. At about twenty-two years she may give one child of value to the world, but all others following will be increasingly unfit. In early marriages children are apt to come too frequently, and this is one cause of infant mortality. Statistics show that children born with an interval between them of only one year have a mortality of one hundred per cent, higher rating than those born with an interval of two years. And if these children are the progeny of very young mothers the percentage is even greater. The percentage of children who are malformed and idiotic is greater among those born of too young parents. It has been shown that the child can only inherit what the parents possess. If the parents are not of an age when all the powers are at their highest, the child is robbed of just this amount of growth and force lacking; no amount of education or training can supply this loss.
There is another feature of early marriages that should receive serious consideration. A girl of eighteen or twenty has not reached that period of growth where certain inherited tendencies will show. If she has inherited a predisposition to consumption she may outgrow this period provided she is permitted to reach her full growth without subjecting her constitution to any strenuous physical or mental strain. If, however, this girl marries and becomes a mother, the incident effect upon her health will most likely weaken her to the extent of bringing to the surface the inherited tendency. Many mothers succumb to just such conditions, where had they remained single until a later period they could have assumed the responsibility of maternity without any evil consequences.
The idea that by an early marriage a woman can train and change the inborn characteristics of her husband is a mistake. Few women can reform a husband after marriage. If she cannot reform him before marriage she will never do it afterward. These inborn traits will have their way despite anything she may be able to do to change them—only the man himself can control and govern them. During the period of this temperamental transformation the function of parenthood should not be exercised. Only when a man's character is fully matured should he be permitted to transfer it to another generation.
The idea has been advanced that early marriages will tend to preserve youth from sowing wild oats. The woman who is the victim of this delusion will reap a harvest of discontent and misery. Any man who needs the sacrifice of a woman to cultivate the art of self-control is not a fit citizen, far less a fit husband or father. A man who is willing to bring children into the world before he is a self-governed animal does not understand the first principles of race-regeneration, and it is the duty of parents to educate their sons and daughters in this fundamental idea. To be an efficient parent one must be mentally, morally, and physically developed.
The Wedding Night;—Its Medical Aspect.—The fundamental object of true marriage is the propagation of the species. Woman plays the more important part in the consummation of this duty inasmuch as she is the origin and depository of the future being. It is, therefore, most important that she should not be wholly ignorant of the nature and responsibilities of her position. Suffering, disease and death may result as a consequence of ignorance of these matters. It is the duty and the privilege of medical science to state, in language which all may understand, the facts regarding this interesting human event.
It would seem as though suffering to some degree, characterized each epoch in a woman's life; menstruation, marriage and maternity. Much may be done, however, to lessen the pain necessary to the consummation of marriage. Not infrequently difficulty is experienced in this respect and great care, forbearance and gentleness must be exercised or unnecessary pain and injury may result. It is quite possible to cause serious injury by unrestrained impetuosity and this must be guarded against. It is sometimes absolutely necessary to consult a physician, especially in cases where greater resistance is experienced than is to be expected. These are rare cases.
The first conjugal approaches are usually accompanied by a slight bleeding. They may not be so, however, and the absence of blood has no significance or meaning. The most suitable time to select for marriage is midway between the monthly periods. This is a season of sterility, and as the first nuptial relations may be followed by indisposition, pain and nervous irritability, it would be well to select a time when these ailments shall have an opportunity to subside before the appearance of the disturbances incident to pregnancy.
The Honeymoon.—From a medical standpoint there is great need of a radical change in the way in which this nuptial period is spent. For many weeks previous to marriage the bride's existence is a long drawn-out period of nervous tension. Instead of enjoying mental and physical rest and repose, every moment of the time is crowded with exacting incidents, which, ordinarily, would wreck the nervous system of a robust individual. If this exciting preparatory experience ended in a period of rest and recuperation, it might not prove physically disastrous, instead of which, however, we know that the bride is subjected to a series of physiological tragedies which few weather with impunity. At no time of her life is she more in need of being surrounded with all the comforts of home and the intelligent direction of sympathizing friends who understand and appreciate the crisis through which she is passing. Custom, however, dictates that she shall be hurried from place to place at a time when the bodily quiet and the mental calmness and serenity so desirable to her should be the only object in view.
Marital relations still continue painful and will be so for a few weeks. Too frequent indulgence at this period is a fruitful source of various inflammatory diseases, and often occasions temporary sterility and ill health. In many cases constitutional disturbances and nervous disorders have their beginning at this time and these unfortunate conditions are directly caused by the discomforts incident to the silliness of the social custom which deprives the woman of the rest and quiet necessary.