A Preacher with his Back Towards Heaven
During one of the religious revivals in Scotland, a small farmer went about preaching with much fluency and zeal, the doctrine of a "full assurance" of faith, and expressed his belief of it for himself in such extravagant terms as few men would venture upon who were humble and cautious against presumption. The preacher, being personally rather remarkable as a man of greedy and selfish views in life, excited some suspicion in the breast of an old sagacious countryman, a neighbor of Dr. Macleod, who asked what he thought of John as a preacher, and of his doctrine?
Scratching his head, as if in some doubt, he replied, "I never ken't a man sae sure o' heaven and so sweert (slow) to be gaing taet." [[5]]
Nearer the Bottom than the Top
A little boy who attended a day school near his home, was always asked in the evening how he stood in his own class. The invariable answer was, "I'm second dux," which means, in Scottish academical language, second from the top of the class. As his habits of application at home did not quite bear out the claims to so distinguished a literary position at school, one of the family ventured to ask what was the number in the class to which he was attached. After some hesitation, he was obliged to admit, "Ou, there's jist me and anither lass."
A Crushing Argument against MS. Sermons
A clergyman thought his people were making rather an unconscionable objection to his using an MS. in delivering a sermon.
They urged, "What gars ye tak' up your bit papers to the pu'pit?"
He replied that it was best, for really he could not remember his sermons, and must have his paper.
"Weel, weel, minister, then dinna expect that we can remember them."