"Ye're unco' short the day, Saunders, surely," said an undersized student to a Glasgow bookseller, one morning, when the latter was in an irritable mood.
"Od, man," was the retort, "ye may haud your tongue; ye're no' sae lang yersel'."
His Own, With "Interest"
"Coming from h—l, Lauchlan?" quoth a shepherd, proceeding on Sacrament Sunday to the Free Church, and meeting a friend coming from the Church of the Establishment.
"Better nor going to it, Rory," retorted Lauchlan, as he passed on.
"The Spigot's Oot"
Lord Airlie remarked to one of his tenants that it was a very wet season.
"Indeed, my lord," replied the man, "I think the spigot's oot a'thegither."
Looking After Himself
A canny man, who had accepted the office of elder because some wag had made him believe that the remuneration was a sixpence each Sunday and a boll of meal on New Year's Day, officially carried round the ladle each Sunday after service. When the year expired he claimed the meal, but was told that he had been hoaxed.