Christopher North had a great hatred of the "old clo'" men who infest the streets. Coming from his class one day, a shabby Irishman asked him in the usual confidential manner, "Any old clo', sir?"
"No;" replied the professor, imitating the whisper; "no, my dear fellow,—have you?"
Church Popularity
"How is it, John," said a minister to his man, "that you never go a message for me anywhere in the parish but you contrive to take too much spirits? People don't offer me spirits when I'm making visits in the parish."
"Weel, sir," said John, "I canna precisely explain it, unless on the supposition that I'm a wee bit mair popular wi' some o' the folks maybe than you are."
Wersh Parritch and Wersh Kisses
Kirsty and Jenny, two country lassies, were supping their "parritch" from the same bicker in the harvest-field one morning.
"Hech," said Kirsty to her neighbor, "Jenny, but thae's awfu' wersh parritch!"
"'Deed are they," said Jenny, "they are that. D'ye ken what they put me in mind o'? Just o' a kiss frae a body that ye dinna like."
A Stranger in the Court of Session