As a verbose preacher was addressing the congregation on a certain occasion, one by one of his officials dropped out of the church into the vestry. As the last one who left put his head into the vestry, those who had preceded him inquired if the prolix speaker had not finished his address. "Well," said he, "his tow's dune lang syne, but he's aye spinnin' awa' yet."
A Wife's Protection
"Wake up, wake up; there's a man in the house!" cried Mrs. Macdougal to her husband the other night. Mac rolled out of bed and grasped his revolver, and opened the door to sally forth for the robber. Then, turning to his wife, he said: "Come, Maggie, and lead the way. It's a cowardly man that would hurt a woman."
Scotch Provincialism
A gentleman from Aberdeen was awoke one night lately in an hotel in Princes Street by an alarm of fire. Upon going to the window, he called out, "Watchman, far eist?" (Where is it?). The watchman thanked him and went to the Register Office, where he found he was going in the wrong direction and returned. On repassing the hotel, he was again called to by the Aberdonian, who bawled out, "Watchman, far was't?" (Where was it?) On looking up to him, the watchman replied, "Ye're a leein' scoonril; ye first tell'd me it was far east, an' noo ye say it's far west; but I tell ye it's neither e' tane or e' tither, cause it's ower i' e' Coogate."
More Polite than Some Smokers
The other day a man who indulged in "the weed," took a seat in a carriage set apart for smokers on the Tynemouth line. He lost no time in getting up a cloud, and whilst puffing away he was accosted by a decent elderly female sitting in an opposite corner.
"Is this a smokin' carriage, sor?"
"Yes, good woman," he replied; "but if my pipe annoys you" (obligingly taking it from his lips), "I'll put it out."
"No, hinny," said she, drawing a well-used "cutty" from beneath her shawl; "aa's gawin' to hev a pipe mesel'!"