At dinner we had a dissertation on guinea-pig directors. When a rascally promoter wishes to lend credit to his enterprise he employs a guinea-pig director to act for him or, when the promoter has a reputation and is careful of it he does the same. The guinea-pig director must be of commanding presence, have a title, or some notoriety to give his name value and be able to make an after-dinner speech. Colonel Grass is a professional guinea-pig; Colonel Sir Lancelot Pill is lapsing that way.
“Colonel Sir Lancelot Pill!” I exclaimed, “why I thought he was one of our highest citizens.”
“I have no doubt,” responded Mr. Bang, “he would feel grateful could he hear you say so: he gives away vast amounts of money but then he can only do that because the public buy his wares. But Sir Lancelot began to lose cast ever since he promoted ‘The Slough of Despond’.”
‘The Slough of Despond’ it appears was a mining venture capitalized for an enormous sum.
“When Sir Lancelot found the boom had burst and the public would not buy the stock, he conceived the idea of asking authority from the Legislature for the company to buy in its own stock. This was granted—which shows what fools make our laws—and the gallant Colonel used his company’s treasury to support the market. And then with quotations marked up by such unusual methods, another shuffle of the cards took place and the stock was issued in London to the accompaniment of more market rigging. So do our patriots establish our credit abroad.”
“How on earth did Sir Lancelot ever get such authority?” asked Uncle.
“There is only one way: he went to Wee Macgregor, who in turn fixed it up with the Mulligan Guards.”
“What a name!” I exclaimed. “Who—”
“The Mulligan Guards is our Conservative Club where our members foregather to select the sheep from the goats, barter and sell our legislation. Wee Macgregor was a lawyer and no doubt he received an enormous fee in the guise of a reward for professional service. What do our farmers know of high finance?”
“Here I should have thought was a chance for Timkins—”