Bill the Minder

by W. Heath Robinson

Bill, a trifle disappointed, took the message to the King of Troy, who seemed very much affected on hearing it.

'Give the old fellow a cracknel,' roared he, 'and tell him that if he surrenders the city at once, he can have as nice a snack of dinner as he could wish.'

The messenger returned to the city with the message and the cracknel, and Bill waited all through the day and night, but no word came from the city.

After breakfast next morning, when, as Bill thought, the King of Persia would be feeling hungry, he called to him the nine stout sons of Crispin and Chloe and then summoned to him the Merchant's Wife and the Sicilian Char-woman, and between them they managed to wrap up each of the brave lads in brown paper, properly secured with strong string, making nine very neat parcels. The general had previously instructed the brave fellows how to act at the right moment, and in the meantime to remain perfectly still. These parcels were now labelled severally lemon cheese cake, fairy cakes, rock cakes, Jumbles, raspberry noyeau,

mince pies, Pontefract cakes and peppermint cushions, and then all neatly piled upon the King's wheeling-chair, which Bill had borrowed for the purpose.

Solemnly preceded by Bill, the Merchant's Wife and the Char-woman (being the two strongest people in the forces) now wheeled the chair up to the gates, in front of which they emptied its contents.

The hungry Trojans had observed their approach, from the walls above which could now be seen innumerable heads popping up and down, and no sooner did they see what the chair was supposed to contain than they climbed down, and without any hesitation opened the gates. Bill then spoke to the Trojans in the following words:—

'The King of Troy sends greetings to the King of Persia and hearing that his stores are exhausted, and, although at war with him, not wishing that he should suffer any serious discomfort, begs his acceptance of these provisions.' Bill and the two ladies now retired with the empty wheeling-chair and took up their position before the walls once more.