And to these requests I had to accede, because he told me frankly that if I were obstinate he would at once open up negotiations with Germany. This, of course, was what I had been dreading.
I knew that if a breath of this business reached the Kaiser's ears it would be the beginning of the end. I knew his Imperial Majesty too well to harbour any hope that he would not strike while Russia and ourselves were still in disagreement as to our course of action.
The situation, indeed, was all the more of a nightmare to me because I had acted without the knowledge or consent of my King or my colleagues, and the whole brunt of the blame would have to be borne by myself.
And what blame it would be! What everlasting shame and disgrace and misery—not only for myself, but for this country!
I am no child in diplomatic matters, and I saw full well that the moment Germany came into possession of the facts, the last great fight among the nations would begin.
That, then, is my story. Four days ago I was given a week's grace by the Czar in which to recover the papers or consent to Melun's conditions. I dare not disobey the Czar's commands, nor is it possible for me any longer to ignore Melun's request. At my earnest prayer the Czar sent a special emissary to me to meet Lady Kathleen at Rouen.
His Majesty knew that in this matter I had been compelled to take my daughter into my confidence. He quite appreciated the necessity for this, and was indeed most kind about the matter, though he remained insistent in his terms.
You may judge how terribly concerned he was when I tell you that the representative he sent was a member of the Imperial family. And even he was not informed of the contents of the papers.
You may realise, too, how desperate my position is, when I say that I have at last accepted your offer of help much as a drowning man clutches at a straw.