On the whole I am amazed at the calm way in which I take this news. I was a fool never to have suspected serious nerve trouble before. Does dear E—— know? What did M—— tell her when he saw her before our marriage?
November 28.
As soon as I woke up in this clear, country air this morning, I thought: —— ——. I have decided never to find out what it is. I shall find out in good time by the course of events.
A few years ago, the news would have scared me. But not so now. It only interests me. I have been happy, merry, and quite high-spirited to-day.
December 5.
I believe it's creeping paralysis. My left leg goes lame after a short walk. Fortunately E—— does not take alarm.
December 17.
Spent the last two days, both of us, in a state of unrelieved gloom. The clouds never lifted for a moment—it's awful. I scarcely have spoken a word.... And eugenically, what kind of an infant would even a Mark Tapley expect of a father with a medical history like mine, and a mother with a nervous system like hers?... Could anything be more unfortunate? And the War? What may not have happened by this time next year? My health is grotesque.
December 20.