The Journal of a Disappointed Man

by W. N. P. Barbellion

PART I: AT HOME

Rambles and bathes, [2], [3], [4], [9], [11], [20], [37], [45], [46], [48], [49]
Natural History and Zoology, [9], [12], [13], [20], [29]
Leaves school, [10]
Newspaper reporting, [17], [19]
Ambition, [8], [10], [13], [26], [29]
Calf-love, [8], [12], [23], [28]
The Wesleyan Minister Microscopist, [18]
Conversation with Prof. Herdman, [46]
Ill-health, [10], [24], [25], [35], [42], [48] (Jul. 31)
Heart attacks, [33], [36]
On Death, [33], [38], [43], [44]
Sits for British Museum exam., [29]
Failure, [30], [31], [32]
Appointment to Laboratory at Plymouth, [32]
Everything "ghostly, unreal, enigmatic," [29], [33]
Self-consciousness, [27], [40]
The Poppy, [43]
Appointment resigned and his father's illness, [34]
His father's death, [50], [51]
Success and appointment to B.M., [55]
A youthful Passion, [56], [57]

PART II: IN LONDON

Disillusionment, [59], [61], [93], [94], [132], [178], [185]
Life in a boarding-house, [63], [78], [79], [94], [99], [107]
Ambition, [71], [73], [109]
An affair in a taxicab, [75]
Self-disgust, [77]
In love, [78], [96], [107]
Conversations: (a) with E., [65], [69], [70], [75], [76], [79], [95], [96], [99],
[104], [151], [152]
(b) with H., [82], [83]
(c) with R., [131], [140], [141], [142], [154], [155], [165],
Ill-health, [59], [62], [69], [72], [74], [100], [107], [110], [114], [134]-5, [153], [156]
On Death, [62], [63], [84], [88]
Heart attacks, [71], [72], [120], [122]
Nervous breakdown, [80], [81], [82]
Meets an old love, [86], [87]
Holidays: (a) at C——, by the sea in North ——, [65], [66], [67]
(b) at home, [82]
(c) in Brittany and on Dartmoor (riding a pony), [97]
Life in rooms, [102], [107], [108], [114], [138], [148], [149], [153]
His brother, [121], [206]
Discussions on marriage, [123], [124]
In his sitting-room, [162]
The fascination of London, [74], [142]-[145]
(a) Petticoat Lane, [163]
(b) Rotten Row, [176]
Goes to concerts, [127], [161], [172]
A lovers' quarrel, [126]
He struggles with himself, [135], [137], [138]
Engaged, [150], [158]
Fears his inconstancy, [159], [185]
Self-analysis, [167] et seq., [182], [183]
Day-dreams: Life a dream, [178], [179], [188]
The War, [182]
Holidays: (a) on a Buckinghamshire farm, [191]-[205]
(b) at the Lakes, [215]-[217]
Should a husband keep a private journal? [210]
Marriage, [205], [209], [215]

PART III: MARRIAGE

Zeppelin raid and influenza, [222]
Living in the country, [223], [227], [228]
Reads his doctor's certificate after visit to recruiting-office, [225], [238]
Self-disgust, [223], [224], [225], [247], [250] (nude), [267]
Mental agony, [226], [227]
Conversations: with R., [229]
with Scarabees, [230], [239], [243]
Halcyon days, [233], [235], [238]
A natural idiot climbs a stile on uplands, [240]
Tension, [250], [252]
The War, [237] (Jutland), [242], [247], [248], [249]
Another nervous breakdown, [253]
How E. knew all the time, [255], [256]
Self-compassion, [251], [304]
Home ill, [257] ("in the doldrums"), [259], [265]
Returns to work, [278]
Ill again, [285]
From an invalid's view-point, [292], [293] (by his bedroom window)
Post-mortem affairs, [291]
Resigns appointment, [294], [299]
Self-consciousness and self-dramatization, [255], [265], [267]
A badly articulated skeleton, [274]
Cold weather in January, [276], [277], [278]
On Death, [275], [283], [286], [291]
His phosphorescent Journals, [291]
Morphia and laudanum, [280], [300]
Great misery, [303], [305]

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INDEX OF NAMES

A——, [21], [51], [82], [97], [98], [121], [158], [206], [285], [298]
"Academy," The, [23], [24], [106], [296]
Adventure in Search of Health, An, [260]
A Kempis, Thomas, [28]
Albert Hall, Hag, The, [147]
Ambition, [29]
"American Naturalist," [295]
American Neighbour, An, [251]
Apologia pro mea vita, [145]
Archæopteryx and Mudflats, [289]
Aristotle's Lantern, [19]
At a Public Dinner, [175]
At C——, a tiny little village by the Sea in N——, [65]
At Home, [82]
At the Albert Hall, [127]
Austen, Jane, [268]
Average Day, An, [172]
B——, [102], [107], [114], [118], [119]
Baby-Girl, A, [263]
Bad Listener, A, [246]
Baring, Maurice, [188]
Bathing, [60]
Baudelaire, [60], [62], [173], [183], [197], [198], [258]
Beerbohm, Max, [269]
Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, [161], [186]
Benson, A.C., [249]
Bergson, [47], [55], [78], [183], [198]
Berkeley, [275]
Blind Mathilde, [139]
Boeltzig, R., [103]
Bradford, Sir John Rose, [54]
Brieux, [162]
"Brilliant Career," A, [62]
British Museum, [26], [29], [49], [57], [59], [61], [79], [94], [132], [174], [178],
[225], [274], [282], [283], [295]
British Museum Reading Room, The, [100]
Brooke, Rupert, [266]
Browne, Sir Thomas, [146], [183], [238]
Buchanan, Robert, [251]
Bunyan, [166]
Burke, [2]
Burlington House, [29]
Burton, [125]
Butler, Samuel, [143], [171], [185], [291]
Buxom Rogue in Earthenware, A, [216]
By the Sea, [61]
Byron, [266]
Camping out at S—— Sands, [91]
Carlyle, [120], [171]
Cassell's Natural History, [13]
Chalcidoidea, The, [221]
Character, A, [39]
Chinese Lanterns, [280]
Chipples, [220]
Chopin, [157]
Clever Young Man, The, [207]
Coleridge, [266]
Confession, A, [74]
Conrad, [50], [223]
Crowd Fever, [278]
Cynicism, [288]
D——, [69], [180]
Darwin, [6], [55]
Day in Autumn, A, [51]
Death, [33], [84], [275], [286]
Debussy, [161], [162], [167]
De Goncourt, [227], [228]
De Guérin, [200], [277], [282]
De Maupassant, Guy, [63], [266]
Depression, [89]
De Quincey, [10], [42], [126], [187], [196], [286]
Devonshire Club, [32]
Dinosaurs, [129]
Disraeli, [258]
Dr. Spurgeon, [90]
Dostoieffsky, [132], [163], [167], [187]
Duke, Mr., K.C., [17]
E——, [68], [78], [79], [107], [171], [191], [192], [193], [194], [201], [209], [220], [223], [226],
[228], [233], [235], [236], [238], [240], [251], [253], [254], [255], [256], [257], [259], [260],
[261], [263], [274], [277], [283], [291], [292], [294], [298], [299], [300], [301], [302], [303],
[304]
Early Boughies, [66]
Empress of Ireland, [127]
English Review, [101], [105], [142]
Equilibrium Restored, [245]
Entomological Society, The, [110]
Father, [34], [50], [51], [137]
Finis, [225], [285]
Fire Bogey, The, [170]
Foolish Bird, A, [118]
"Fortnightly," [61]
"Forum," [296]
Foster, Sir Michael, [209]
From one Maiden Lady to another (authentic), [37]
G——, [78], [197], [215]
Gardening,83
Gaskel, [23], [55]
Gibbon, [129], [258]
Gibbon's Autobiography, [268]
Gissing, George, [32]
Goethe, [146]
Graph of Temperament, The, [287]
H——, [7], [8], [13], [38], [51], [60], [75], [76], [77], [78], [79], [80], [82], [83], [89], [92],
[94], [114], [180], [196], [206], [218], [285]
Haeckel, [23], [300]
Harmsworth Encyclopædia, [294]
Harmsworth Self-Educator, [10]
Hardy, [24], [282]
Hardy's Poetry, [264]
Hearing Beethoven, [172]
Hegel, [146]
Henley, [208], [209]
Herdman, Prof., [46]
Hervey, [170]
Horton, Max Kennedy, [141]
Housefly Problem, The—1916, [231]
Humble Confession, A, [115]
Huxley, [37], [163]
"Illustrated London News," [53]
In a Crowd, [184]
In London, [59]
In London again, [93], [99]
J——, [78], [263]
James, [163], [166]
Jefferies, Richard, [44], [233]
Jeremiad, A, [294]
Johnson, [2], [10], [180], [181], [196], [230]
Johnson v. Yves Delage, [181]
Jolt, A, [247]
Jonson, Ben, [171]
Joubert, [291]
Justifiable Mendacity, [52]
K——, [80], [99], [138], [225]
Kant, [257]
Keats, [10], [145], [146], [258]
L——, [1], [3], [4], [43], [98]
Lacépède, [146]
Lamb, Charles, [13], [120], [227], [230]
Landor, W.S., [265]
La Rochefoucauld, [31]
Leap-frog, [302]
Lodge, Sir Oliver, [286]
Liebestod, [302]
Lice or "Creeping Ferlies," [213]
Looking for Lice at the Zoo, [177]
Lubbock, [7]
Ludo, [104]
Lupus, [125]
Luxury of Lunacy, The, [195]
M——, [12], [20], [62], [69], [70], [80], [81], [96], [105], [106], [134], [140], [156],
[222], [225], [226], [255], [250], [259], [260]
Macaulay, [30]
Maeterlinck, [42]
Malpighi, [171]
Marie Bashkirtseff, [139], [163], [175], [238]
Mary, [8], [23], [28]
Masefield's "Gallipoli," [269]
Measuring Lice, [125]
Moffat, [161]
Moore, Tom, [173]
More Irony, [105]
Mosenthal, [13]
Mother, [34], [50], [51], [59], [93], [95], [97], [137]
Mozart, [161]
My Gastrocnemius, [208]
My Nightmare, [105]
My Sense of Touch, [91]
N——, [29], [78], [121], [122], [257], [261]
Naming Cockroaches, [184]
Natural History Museum, [6], [54]
New Pile in the Pier, A, [88]
Newton, [171]
Nietzsche, [137], [156]
Old Diaries, [44]
Omniscience, [239]
On Lighting Chloe's Cigarette, [119]
On Lundy Island, [21]
On the N. Downs, [68]
Our Simian Ancestry, [27]
P——, [76], [78], [79], [80]
Pachmann, [234]
Pascal, [293]
Petticoat Lane, [163]
Piers Plowman, [221]
Plymouth Marine Laboratory, [29], [32],47, [79]
Pool: a Retrospect, The, [189]
Potted Novel, A, [284]
Prawning, [17]
Preparing a Snake's Skull, [50]
"Punch," [296]
Punch and Judy Show, The, [180]
R——, [81], [99], [101], [104], [107], [115], [119], [120], [122], [123], [124],
[127], [128], [130], [131], [132], [133], [134], [135], [136], [140], [141], [148],
[151], [154], [166], [167], [169], [172], [173], [174], [175], [182], [197], [205],
[207], [208], [209], [215], [216], [217], [227], [228], [229], [230], [239], [240],
[241], [295], [299], [303]
Raemakers, [186]
Railway Travel, [41]
Raleigh, Sir Walter, [129], [196]
Reading Nietzsche, [156]
Reminiscences, [270]
Renunciation, [85]
Resignation, [141]
Restlessness of the Sea, The, [90]
Richepin, [57]
Richelieu, Cardinal, [155]
Rigor Bordis, [148]
Rodin, [103], [157], [160]
Romney, [169]
Rousseau, [63], [181], [268]
Ruskin, [30], [190], [208], [216]
S——, [1], [3]
Saintsbury, Prof. Geo., [126]
Sainte-Beuve, [200], [277]
Schäfer, [110]
Schopenhauer, [34]
Schubert, [173], [174]
Scots Fir, A, [111]
Scott, [75], [153]
Service, [264]
Shakespeare, [264]
Shaw, Bernard, [59], [150], [166], [249]
Shelley, [196], [266], [293]
Sir Henry Wood conducting, [159]
Sleep, [206]
Small Red Viper, A, [16]
Smiles, Samuel, [14]
Smollett, [291]
Sollas's "Ancient Hunters," [72]
Southey, [16]
Spallanzani, [47], [71], [112]
Spinoza, [16]
Spring in the Woods, [15]
Staying by the Sea, [43]
Stagnancy, [84]
Stagnant Day, A, [111]
Stevenson, [63], [106], [161], [208], [209]
Stockbroker, The, [252]
Strangeness of my Life, The, [281]
Strindberg, [139]
Susan, [254]
Sunset in Kensington Gardens, [130]
Swift, [230]
Swinburne, [61], [290]
T——, [14], [171], [246]
"T.P.'s Weekly," [41]
Tennyson, [154], [264]
Test for True Love, The, [157]
Test of Happiness, A, [185]
Thompson, Francis, [266]
Thoreau, [181]
Too Late, [144]
Tschaikovsky, [161], [162]
Turner, J.M.W., [154], [167]
Two Adventures, [212]
Two Months' Sick Leave, [80]
Two People I hate in particular, [186]
Two Young Men Talking, [60]
Une Caractère, [53]
Verlaine, [60]
Villon, Francois, [173]
Voltaire, [63], [163]
Wagner, [166]
Wallace, [23], [37]
Walton, Isaac, [8]
Wasmann, Father, [47]
Waterton, [159]
Wells, H.G., [291]
Whistler, [222]
White, Gilbert, [159]
Whitman, Walt, [189], [253]
Wilde, Oscar, [76], [143], [152], [175], [258]
Windy Ash,35
Wiedersheim, [106], [145], [159], [257]
Woman and a Child, A, [146]
Wood, Sir Henry, [157], [159], [172], [201]
Woodward, Dr. Smith, [145]
Yellow Cat, A, [241]
Zola, [17]

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