Yet I am taken for a soft fool! My manner is soft, self-conscious, shy. What a lot of self-glorification I lose thereby! What a lot of self-torture I gain in its stead!
March 17.
To-day went to the B.M. but did very little work. Thought over the matter carefully and decided to ask E—— to marry me. Relief to be able to decide. I was happy too.
Yesterday P—— came in to us from E——'s studio and said,—
"E—— sends her love."
"To whom?" H—— inquired.
"I don't know," P—— replied, smiling at me.
March 18.
Had a long conversation with H—— last night. He says all E—— intended to convey was that the quarrel was over.... I felt relieved, because I have no money, but—a large ambition. Then I am selfish, and have not forgotten that I want to spend my holidays in the Jura, and next year three weeks at the Plymouth Laboratory.
March 19.