“‘Come here,’ says he, with a proper pride,
Which his smiling features tell,
‘’T will soothing be if I let you see
How extremely nice you’ll smell.’
“And he stirred it round and round and round,
And he sniffed at the foaming froth;
When I ups with his heels, and smothers his squeals
In the scum of the boiling broth.
“And I eat that cook in a week or less,
And—as I eating be
The last of his chops, why, I almost drops,
For a wessel in sight I see!
* * * *
“And I never larf, and I never smile,
And I never lark nor play,
But sit and croak, and a single joke
I have—which is to say:
“Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,
And the mate of the Nancy brig,
And a bo’sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain’s gig!’”
THE BISHOP OF RUM-TI-FOO
From east and south the holy clan
Of Bishops gathered to a man;
To Synod, called Pan-Anglican,
In flocking crowds they came.
Among them was a Bishop, who
Had lately been appointed to
The balmy isle of Rum-ti-Foo,
And Peter was his name.
His people—twenty-three in sum—
They played the eloquent tum-tum,
And lived on scalps served up, in rum—
The only sauce they knew.
When first good Bishop Peter came
(For Peter was that Bishop’s name),
To humour them, he did the same
As they of Rum-ti-Foo.
His flock, I’ve often heard him tell,
(His name was Peter) loved him well,
And, summoned by the sound of bell,
In crowds together came.
“Oh, massa, why you go away?
Oh, Massa Peter, please to stay.”
(They called him Peter, people say,
Because it was his name.)