It laid him up for many days,
When duty led him to distrain,
And serving writs, although it pays,
Gave him excruciating pain.
He made out costs, distrained for rent,
Foreclosed and sued, with moistened eye—
No bill of costs could represent
The value of such sympathy.
No charges can approximate
The worth of sympathy with woe;—
Although I think I ought to state
He did his best to make them so.
Of all the many clients who
Had mustered round his legal flag,
No single client of the crew
Was half so dear as Captain Bagg.
Now, Captain Bagg had bowed him to
A heavy matrimonial yoke—
His wifey had of faults a few—
She never could resist a joke.
Her chaff at first he meekly bore,
Till unendurable it grew.
“To stop this persecution sore
I will consult my friend Carew.
“And when Carew’s advice I’ve got,
Divorce a mensâ I shall try.”
(A legal separation—not
A vinculo conjugii.)
“Oh, Baines Carew, my woe I’ve kept
A secret hitherto, you know;”—
(And Baines Carew, Esquire, he wept
To hear that Bagg had any woe.)
“My case, indeed, is passing sad.
My wife—whom I considered true—
With brutal conduct drives me mad.”
“I am appalled,” said Baines Carew.
“What! sound the matrimonial knell
Of worthy people such as these!
Why was I an attorney? Well—
Go on to the sævitia, please.”