To a Friend in Calcutta.
Dugshai, May 5th, 1857.
Unless I hear of something to my advantage meanwhile, I propose starting for Calcutta about the middle of this merry month of May, with the object of endeavoring to effect, by personal appeal and explanations, the self-vindication which no mere paper warfare seems likely to extort from Government. I had waited patiently for nearly two years, "striving to be quiet and do my own business," in the hope that justice, however tardy, would certainly overtake me, when an incident occurred which showed that I must adopt a more active mode of procedure if I wished for success. On applying for employment with the force in Persia, I met with a refusal, on the ground of what had occurred when in command of the Guides. This, you will allow, was calculated to drive a man to extremities who had been under the impression all along that his conduct, whensoever and howsoever called in question, had been amply vindicated.
It appeared that while everything to my disadvantage had been carefully communicated by the Punjaub authorities to army head-quarters, they had, with true liberality and generosity, suppressed "in toto" the results of the subsequent inquiry which had, in the opinion of all good men, amply cleared my good name from the dirt lavished on it. Even the Secretaries to Government had never heard of this vindication, and were going on believing all manner of things to my discredit; Lord Canning, also, being utterly ignorant of the fact that, subsequently to Lord Dalhousie's departure, the results of the second investigation had been communicated to Government.
There were clearly three courses open to me, "à la Sir Robert Peel."
1st. Suicide.
2d. To resign the service in disgust, and join the enemy.
3d. To make the Governor-General eat his words, and apologize.
I chose the last.