Jack Straw: A Farce in Three Acts

by W. Somerset Maugham

What! Then ...?

[She is at a loss for words. Serlo goes into a shout of laughter.

Serlo. What a sell! By George, what a sell! Mrs. Parker-Jennings. [Going up to Jack Straw.] Do you mean to say you’re not.... Vincent. I thought I knew his face the moment I saw him. Mrs. Parker-Jennings. Speak, man, speak.

—

These four speeches are said very quickly, almost simultaneously.

Jack Straw.

[With the greatest urbanity.] Madam, I stepped out of the uniform of a waiter at the Grand Babylon Hotel into the sober garb of the person you now see before you.

Mrs. Parker-Jennings.

Then you’re nothing short of an impostor. Oh! Oh! Now, then, Jennings, you’re a man. Do something.

Parker-Jennings.

And he’s been lappin’ up my best champagne lunch and dinner for a week.

Mrs. Parker-Jennings.