Jack Straw: A Farce in Three Acts

by W. Somerset Maugham

I wish you wouldn’t answer me like that. Why don’t you say yes or no? I can’t abide these city ways of yours.

Parker-Jennings.

I was only being facetious, my dear.

Mrs. Parker-Jennings.

I should ’ave thought you’d learned by now that it’s vulgar to be funny. You’ve never ’eard a duchess make a joke, ’ave you?

Vincent comes in.

Vincent.

I’ve just been round the refreshment tents. There’s one thing, people can’t say we haven’t spread ourselves out.

Parker-Jennings.

[Rubbing his hands.] I ’aven’t spared a single expense. The band’s down from London, and the refreshments are from Gunter’s. There’s not a cigar on the place that cost less than one and six—and that’s the wholesale price.