Mrs. Dot: A Farce

by W. Somerset Maugham

Mrs. Dot.

Then we’ll economise together. It only means going to the pit of a theatre instead of taking a box. Well, I like the pit much better. You see all the women come in and you criticise their back hair. And you suck delicious oranges all the time. It makes my mouth water to think of it. And we’ll go on a bus instead of taking cabs. They’re much safer, and I like sitting on the front seat and talking to the driver. Bus-drivers are always such handsome men.

Gerald.

It’s not a question of driving in buses, but of walking on my flat feet.

Mrs. Dot.

Very well. You shall walk on your flat feet, and I’ll trip along by your side on my arched instep.

Gerald.

Things have come to such a pass that I must either beg, steal, or work.

Mrs. Dot.

Then tell me exactly how matters stand.