Penelope: A Comedy in Three Acts

by W. Somerset Maugham

I think there’s nothing more I can do for you.

Patient.

No, er—thank you very much. I—er—it’s so good of you to have taken so much trouble. Yes, er....

Dickie.

[Understanding.] Oh.... My fee is two guineas.

Patient.

[Infinitely relieved.] Oh, thank you so much. That’s just what I wanted to ask you. Shall I write you a cheque?

Dickie.

We always prefer to have it in hard cash, you know, in case it’s a bogus cheque.

Patient.